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Sat Nov 9, 2002
location: Brooklyn, New York

Hi i am 20 years old from NYC, and i attend John Jay college, but to make a long story short.during the age of 16 through 19 i slept with 30 guys and 70 percent of the time unprotected..i have taken 3 hiv/aids in the past four years and i tested negative for hiv/aids and other sexually transmitted infection. i thank god that i am ok...i recently watched the movie, KIDS, and it made me realize how f***ing crazy life is...i slep with over 25 guys when in many cases it only took many people one time to contract the HIV virus. i am no longer having sex and if i am i will use protection. too bad it took me this long to find out that my sex habits needed to end. i recently, found out that one of my cousin has HIV and ever since than i have decided to change my major and study bio/chem in order to become a pediatrician and help young people deal with HIV/AIDS/STIs..thank you..<<i really mean this!

Sun Nov 10, 2002

in reply to : my deapest fears
i think you are really brave to be able to share what you have just said to so many people about HIV. Your life must ahve been hard and i dont blame you or anyone for what they do. I think everyone who writes a message on here about HIV or AIDS is really special. i think that what you have done takes a lot of guts and courage and you should all be proud. I hope that everything turns out ok for everyone and in reply to my deepest fears, i hope that you too will one day go and be tested!!
you are all in my thoughts and prayers, good luck to all

Tue Nov 12, 2002
location: Austraila

hi there i have just read your story and i can relate to alot of that myself well the work and the drug uses i,am 26 years old and carrently living and working in the uk i came to get away from alot of problems in life and its been good for me meeting heaps people and pulling more women then ever thougth possible throw the edinburgh festival i meet this really nice irish girl i love her we have been seeing each other since july and continued seeing each other threw the summer shes smart good looking and goes to uni i work as a labourer here i don't know what she sees in me when i came to the uk i was 15 stone about 95 kg i started to lose weight i thought it from all the labouring and not eating well but i have got so skinny i'am now 75kg and everyone keeps on saying to me how did you lose all that wieght so it has put me two minds were i know that have been with about 6 women and didn't use condoms all the time i think there is a good chances that i could have hiv i'am showing all the signs and to scarded to get tested i mean this is ment to be the time of my life and i count help thinking that i got the virus and past it on to her that would kill me knowing that she had never sleeped with anyone before me and i have gave it to her anyway very upset going to have find aplace to get tested i'am ment to be flying to ireland to see her better go good luck and all the best

Wed Nov 13, 2002
location: Townsville, Australia

Well just writting to say i have an uncle that is HIV positive and that its not youre fault most of the time theres this type of hiv positives that get it from syringes thats wrong and in some weird way i understand youre pain.

Thu Nov 14, 2002
location: Indianapolis

Hey everyone, I am so proud of all you people out there with the courage to go out and get an HIV test. I am 19 years old. I started having sex when I was 16 years old. Not because I was in love or anything but just because I wanted to fit in and join the conversation when my freinds were talking about their boyfreinds (don't get mad and start saying I sound like an after school program). I have had sex with about 3 men over 25 and about 6 boys over 18. I would not be able to tell you their full name if you paid me. I stopped stopped having sex when I was 17 because I had so much guilt and emotional problems going on. I got an bladder infection and the doctor told me it was because of unprotected sex. I stopped having sex after that cause I just knew I had HIV. Two years later I skipped my community college class so I could go to planned parenthood and get a anonomyous HIV test. I cried when I went in. She drew my blood told me to come back in two weeks. I couldn't tell anybody what I did. If the test came back positive I still would not have told. Actually you people reading this are the only ones to hear my story. Two weeks later I went back to get my results they were negative. I am so happy. And my heart and a thousand good lucks go out to the people who were not as fortunate as me and those who are going through what I did.
Yall pray for me and I will definetly pray for yall.

Fri Nov 15, 2002
location: north carolina

HELLO, my name is Tara and i am HIV positive.I found out on sept.27,2000.Iused to be a drug addict and thats how i got this deadly disease.Im free of drugs and alcohol but on top of it all i have hepatitis c too.I have to take a weekly shot for that but no medication for hiv yet.My whole life has changed so much since i found out. I am real depressed and just want to give up but i cant cause i got a beautiful 10 year old daughter,who needs me.Its tough for me to accept i have this dreadful disease but i came to believe if you trust in god it will get better, I have my good days and bad days and i constaantly feel sorry for myself but i have learned to let go and let god.For those out there with hiv or aids my heart goes out to each and everyone of you and it will get better with time just dont give up because now its not a death sentence, you just have to learn how to live all over again it gets hard and sometimes i want to die instead of the ones i love see me go through so much pain.But thank god my family stands behind me and if it wernt for them i would be dead,so just hang in there and say lots of prayers.thank you for reading my story. TARA

Sun Nov 17, 2002
location: south east asia

we have aids medicine..we can't commercial the medicine because Aids Foundation in my country can't accept..we dont know why..without publicity we not stopping to help aids patient..but we can't help all the patient of aids because we banned from any media to advertise in my country..i hope any foundation in the world give us opportunity to prove the medicine we have with recomment patient to do treatment with us..until now..3 of person have aids(hiv +)..already healthy(hiv-)after used medicine we have.

Mon Nov 25, 2002
location: california/riverside

I am a 17 year old female, and I am afraid that I am HIV posotive. I had swollen glands, and very ba side pain, so I went and got checked for STD's. I found out that I had Clamydia. I was devestated. I took my meds, and the glands went down. They soon reappeared, and my glands are huge and are swollen all over my neck for about three mounths. I recently took a HIV test,,and I am waiting for results. My question is: Are enlarged glands a tale tale sign of HIV..or could it be anything else? GOD I hope it is something else. My second question is: If I am positive, can you provide me with information for some local support groups? My LAST question is: If I am positive what do you think would be best..to tell my mom, who is very supportive, and wil devote all of her time to me or should I handle the disease myself and let her live her life.
I understand that YOU are NOT a doctor, and may not be able to answer al of my questions, I just don't know who or where else I can ask.....
PLEASE answer my questions...I have no one else to ask...THANKYOU SOOOO much..I can't explain how helpful this website is..all of the people who are involved in this website, are ANGELS:_ THKS A BUNCH:).

I know it's awhile since you asked these questions and l apologise for a delay in responding. You see there is only one angel and now that l have a full-time job, it is hard to reply to all the mail that comes in.
As you know l'm not a Dr and cannot give medical advice but l try and point people in the right direction and can sometimes understand where you are coming from because l hear from many scared people who are waiting for test results.
You have gone a step further than some, often people are even too scared to get the test done. I sometimes people who are so scared and putting their lives on hold when they do not even know wether they are HIV +
Often people go through a range of emotions only to find that happily they are HIV-. Perhaps this is a lesson to think about HIV in the future and practice safe sex.
If you are positive, l think you have answered your own question, you describe your mother as supportive and sounds as though she loves you very much. Perhaps you need this support right now but you will know deep down how to deal with your emotional needs.
I refer people to two different sites for information, both have existed for a very long time and have professionals in the field who give advice. Try these http://www.thebody.com http://www.avert.org
The contact information l have for California is:
California HIV/AIDS Hotline
Nationwide: (800) 367-AIDS)
In San Francisco and outside California: (415) 863-2437
Information available in English, Spanish and Filipino
TDD for the deaf: 1-888-225-AIDS.
I guess that ringing the hotline may put you in touch with people who know how to give support, trained advice and important leads to other services in your area. So l can only advise that it wont hurt to contact them.
What ever the result is, do not let this destroy you. Look for support and love and you will not feel alone. Try and find out as much as you can as knowledge is another powerful force.
Carolena Helderman
project manager
HIV/AIDS Positive Stories

Tue Nov 26, 2002
location: B.C

I was just recently tested for HIV less than a week ago and am still waiting for my results. I have never been so scared in my life. This site really provided me with a insight and some hope because it is not biased, it just comes from real people dealing with a real problem. My friends and family members keep telling me that I have nothing to worry about, but until they are the ones with that doubt in their minds, they don't really understand. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Thanks for sending your story and my fingers will remain crossed.
I have just answered a similar email from a 17 year old girl in California who is waiting on test results but she has not told her mother yet.
You have had the courage to take the test and have the support of family and friends. Even though they do not know these feelings at least they are there to support and give love and perhaps that will beat the fear.
I'm so glad that this site has helped. It reflects people's stories and feelings and hopefully gives people courage and an understanding of how people even deal with the relief of a negative result, l hope this will be your story.
Carolena Helderman
project manager
HIV/AIDS Positive Stories

Mon Nov 25, 2002
location: California

18/F/unsure of HIV status
GOD!!! When I read your story it was like you were reading my mind. I have in the past been sexual with many men and had unprotected sex with one. I lost my virginity to him, and I loved him very much. He was so perfect in my eyes..but it all turned out to be lies. About two weeks ago he showed up at my house with roses, and of course I was sooo happy to see him I invited him in.I had not seen him for at least a year, after I thought I was pregnant when I first had sex with him, and he said I was acting like a little girl, and that I could not be pregnant. Anyway, I envited him in and we had sex...he then left, and did not call for two weeks. Those two weeks were the hardest days of my life. I constantly questioned myself. How could I have been so dumb? It was so obvious what he wanted, and I let him have it; blinded by my love for him, and the hope I would live happily ever after with my first. A month went by, and as you said they were SIGNS
everywhere...I remember I prayed to GOd, and asked him to give me a sign if I was POS, I looked around the corner, and it was a huge building with a sign entitled "INLAND AIDS PROJECT". Everything I read, and saw on television was about AIDS, and everywhere it seemed like thats what people were talking about. I soon started to have swollen neck glands, and horrible side pain. I went to the clinic, and found out I had a STD. I was sooo devestated..I thought about suicide every day...I could not believe someone I loved so much would do this to me. I couldn't believe I could do this to myself. Three mounths have passed, and my glands are larger, and still swollen. I took a HIV test 2 days ago, and I am sooo scared about what the results will be. I know what they will be, but I keep HOPING they will be negative. Even if they turn on negative, I know I will deel with the constant fear, just as you are dealing with. What if? What if it hasn't shown up?
Please everyone pray for me, and ask God to give me stregnth. I know exactly how you feel.

Tue Nov 26, 2002
location: uk

hi friends i am 22 and i did sex before 1 year and yesterday i felt so scared that wheathr i am not having hiv postive as i did an un protected sex and i gave to blood for chaque up of hiv positive and i am going to have my report after 1hour. i am very much scared and dont know what to do. please pray for me please
make sure in your life that never have sex without condums its safe for both or you may pass the situation like i am going through.
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