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Test Results

I have just been to see my doctor and collect my test results.

I turn 23 in two weeks. I am romantic, gregarious, attractive, intelligent and laugh a lot at things other people can't quite understand. Eight months ago I was diagnosed as being HIV positive. Not that it came as such a big surprise. I had been sleeping with a man with whom I thought was my perfect mate and I was deeply in that spell that so entangles and enthrals was in love. Not only with this man who was HIV+ but with the recklessness of my life and the opportunities that seemed boundless.

I was young. I had my plans (as you do, mine were to ride my bike across Spain.)I was invincible. I was popping pills with such regularity I'm surprised I can remember anything from that time at all. I knew his positive status. I slept with him without a condom. On several occasions but I couldn't tell you exactly the sex was fantastic.

Consequently, I contracted HIV, can I blame him? I'm angry at him for passing it on to me but I really can't blame him for wanting to pretend his HIV didn't exist. I wish he'd gotten past that before I'd put the future of my health in his hands.
All the things I could wish... life since then has delivered with zest,such conditions as I'm sure all you HIV pos people know the torrents of inexplicable ... fear the changes in lifestyle as a result to tackle this condition as best I could.
Shall I go on about all the past drama? today l'm trying to let the past be like a guide for my future. I cant pretend ignorance anymore. I cant alleviate the responsibility into the hands of another. After finding out the levels of my t cells, I wish that I could... the results were worse than I was expecting

.I don't look unhealthy and at times my body is feeling like its healthier than its ever been. So its kind of hard to accept that my body is betraying me and maybe it might be a thing to look at, this medication idea... whatever the future holds I know that I will get through it. There is really nothing else I can do.


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