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Two Years since being Diagnosed

It's now been almost 2 years since being diagnosed with HIV, after entering hospital with PCP. What seemed like the end, has turned out to be just the opposite. After being released from hospital I'd lost a total of 15klgs I looked so ill still, and I was so paranoid about being so underweight and at the same time was anxious about starting combination treatment, but at the same time scared of the side effects.


The first morning I took my first dose, I said to my partner this is it, I'm about to unleash a battle of good and evil inside my body. Well now 2 years later and I'm slowly winning the battle, my viral load remains undetectable 50 and the cd4 is steadily rising above 200, after hitting a low of 50.


What does the future hold, I wish I knew there are so many questions that cannot be explained. I was a heterosexual, and the doctors say that I'd had HIV for more than 10 years when I was diagnosed, my ex fiancee had to be tested we'd been having unprotected sex the whole time through our relationship, she tested negative. How can this be possible I wonder.

When I ceased my heterosexual relationship, I decided to explore my sexuality and see what was out there, I'd slept with a few different guys but not once did I have unprotected sex, I knew what the dangers were of doing something like that and there was no way I was going to expose myself to something like HIV and yet no matter how safe I thought I was, this menace of a virus somehow was able to penetrate my defences and start the attack on my immune system.

Now I exist day by day with the thought that my life is in the hands of scientists, and yet at the same time, I'm thankful that since I've HIV, I've got it in a country where our scientists and doctors are working so hard to find the cure.

Emailed from Sydney, Australia. March, 2001.

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