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Someone's Boyfriend

Ok, this is the first time I'm talking about this with anyone.
My boyfriend is something close to a Saint, I'm the messy one, the one who always drove things to the edge, to conflicts, to the very limit; not in an unrespectfull way, but somehow looking for that confirmation about being on the right path, with the right person, on the right time.

So, I gave no options, and he somehow got pushed to leave for a second, He wasn't tuff enough, He couldn't fight with me, with all of that I had been for him.

Enough was that second, and He got sick, in just a second, less than a second, so fast it didn't give me time to explain I was crazzy since he left. He was sick.
So I was there as expected, taking care of him after his operation, after he finally removed his wisdom tooth. Both wisdom and tooth were gone by the time he was back from his dreams.
He asked the Doctor to tell me. I went back to him, and I had to cry, so much, so deep that I don't know myself anymore.
Many things have changed in my life.

I cann't change anything now except for myself and I'm already somebody else.
Hard way to find out I love him the way I do, and I do.
I know is not my fault nor his, but would be nice to love him not finding myself unable to stop this feeling, this excesss.
Sometimes I feel he thinks I'm over-protecting, and I noticed it too; but is not, is this strange thing that makes me think constantly of him and us and our lives and all great moments. Makes me feel I just gave birth to someone, to something new.
No sex yet since he's back, we are not ready, feels I'm going to hurt him, I feel he is protecting me. The truth, I care only so much about it I'm glad he's there for me.
One day at the time, but I hope I'm not here to know he's gone because that will be the real punishment, if that's what this is all about.

So, I was looking for something like "what do I do?, my partner is HIV+", but now I only want to let people know my story, not much, because I'm here very busy loving.
One thing I have to ask: sorry for my spelling, I'm spanish speaking.
Someone's boyfriend.

Sent via email Jun 13 2002, Cuba.

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