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I
was diagnosed with HIV in 1987, at age 11. I was likely infected at least
four years or so before, as I came down with shingles in 1984.
For the first 9 years of my diagnosis, I didn't talk about being infected.
I simply wanted to live my life and try my best to ignore the "doom
and gloom" of AIDS, as there weren't many stories of survival in
the late 80's. Inside, I did wonder if I would make it to adulthood and
what my chances of living a "normal" life were.
As I got older, my silent treatment for HIV became somewhat problematic.
Specifically when I began dating. When I was 13, my girlfriend came up
to me in the hallway, crying and asked me, "Do you have AIDS?"
I lied, because in my mind I distinguished HIV from AIDS. HIV meant you
were doing OK, AIDS meant you were sick. I knew I was not being honest,
but I didn't want to "the sick boyfriend".
Things got tougher a few years later when I fell in love for the first
time. One thing led to another, and my girlfriend and I became sexually
active. She wasn't infected, but we were "fooling around". My
idea of HIV prevention was to not ejaculate, I was too embarrassed to
use a condom (as is normal with some teens).
Finally, at age 20, I came out of my AIDS closet and put up a website. Currently
I'm 27, the healthiest I've been, and am in an open, fulfilling and amazing
relationship. My partner Gwenn (who is HIV negative) and I speak at colleges
and educate students on HIV/AIDS topics... I'm posting here because I want
other young people to know that you can survive, and things get easier with
time. So hang in there, and feel free to visit me at http://www.mypetvirus.com
Take care,
Shawn.
Sent via email, August
27, 2002, Charlottesville, Vl, USA.
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