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Unprotected Sex

Hey, Im a 21 guy from Sydney. My life couldnt have been better at 18, i had been seeing my girlfriend for almost two years, my 19th b/day was comming up and life was great. At 19 i broke up with my girlfriend cause it came obvious to me that i also had an attraction for guys. I was totally honest with her and we remained pretty good friends. A month or two later, one night I went out and got blind drunk and went home with a guy. It was my first time and had little idea what i was doing. We had unprotected sex, and i panicked a bit the next day but convinced myself that i was being paranoid and that i couldnt really have got anything.

Another couple of months i started seeing this 18yr old guy and everything seemed to be falling into place. I was proud of comming out and finally felt comfortable with who i was. After almost a year of going out together, my partner started worrying about HIV. He thought that he was getting cold like symptoms all the time. So he got tested and it came back negative. I thought he was being paranoid and put it down to his uni course (human science) where he covered HIV and stuff like that. He got tested again and it came back negative. By this time he was asking me to get tested, but i said it was pointless and didnt want to bother. I honestly thoght it was a waste of time cause i was sure i didnt have it.

The only time i had unprotected sex (apart from with my partner) was over a year ago. And i had pretty much perfect health since then. Finally i went and got tested, only to reassure my partner, not because i was worried about having anything. So i got my test and went back a week later for the results. The doctor casually said 'oh im sorry they have come back positive'. My whole world just fell apart in that very instant. I knew so little about HIV i thought it meant i had only a year or two left to live. I told my partner and immediately he got tested again. Negative. We were convinced he was positive though, for the last six months of our r'ship we had been having unprotected sex. And if i could get it off one experience, he had to have it. The next three months till his next test was hell. I blamed myself, he blamed me, i had absolutely nobody to talk to about anything. I made myself get on with my life, as hard as it was. I only took a week off uni and then got back into it and made myself pass everything even though i thought it was all completely pointless and trivial. My boyfriend finally got tested again and amazingly it came back negative. So he was in the clear! It was the biggest relief i have ever felt. We broke up though at that time, it was too much for him. I understand.

Now almost a year since i tested positive im getting trained as a speaker to go round to high schools and community groups to talk to them about HIV and my experience with it. Now I feel more alive than i ever have before. HIV was not the end for me like i first thought, its the begining of the rest of my life. Every day is. It has changed all my priorities now, a high paying career after uni as not what i want anymore. To be surrounded by the people i love, to live life, to help increase awareness of HIV and to make a difference, thats what want. And thats what im going to do. Thanks heaps for reading my story and take care

Sent via Email, September 2002, Sydney, Australia.

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