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Live the daily battles

"... and everyone remains well now with the treatment available" - I suppose I am probably not the only who would disagree with that statement, but it strikes me that I have yet to meet anyone else who has gone through anything similar. I was diagnosed as being HIV + 3 years ago and had surprisingly good health given that my CD4 was 23 and my viral load trying hard for a million. Ever since I started treatment (which I tolerate just fine) I have had a very slow progression in my CD4 - it's going the right way but very slowly. In the last 3 years I have experienced multiple infections and incredible bad health - so socially disabled for so long was hard work living alone and also not in my home country. It seems that my CD4 count is irrelevant to the bugs I get - things that would normally show up at lower levels appear all the time.

Desperately needing to understand this I have sought the company of other pos people here. Everyone I spoke to can understand the impact for me of being ill now for several years, but I have not met anyone else with the same kind of story. CD4 rising, viral load undetectable and ever increasingly diverse kinds of infection and bad health? Did anyone else go through this kind of thing?. Obviously my mood has been knocked sideways by all this - two positive breakthroughs have been making the world's best friend and some very carefully structured psychotherapy (psychosomatic health - great stuff) - oh yes, they both have produced huge jumps in CD4 but don't seem to stop the infections from coming.
It's hard work - I love to read about other guys who have managed to reach a level of personal development thanks to their diagnosis, but God that's hard work with this level of physical health. I love being alive and have squillions of thngs to do yet in my life - when I am well I am fun and focused, when I am down I am defeated and drab.

We seem a long way from making HIV an illness that has minimal impact on our lives. Coming from the pharmaceutical industry myself, I look towards these giants for more answers - integrated care, not just drugs (you want the right to sell in my country, then earn it...). Where is the non-profit making drug company made up entirely of HIV positive staff? Now that would be fun.... and maybe would deliver a more holistic view of HIV care to those who live the daily battles.


Sent via Email - July 17 2003. Spain.

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