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Did i mention that l'm only 16

I went to dominican republic on vaction with my family. One night i saw a friend that i knew from before and since i still had feelings for him i decided that i wanted to hang out with him that night but just as friends since i already had a boyfriend that i loved and still do with all my heart. that night me and my friend, Jose, went out drinking with his friend. i got kind of drunk and we endend up at his friends house. i was so drunk that i had a blackout for i dont even know how long. all i know is that when i finaly woke up i saw jose and his friend naked with me also naked on a bed. i started to curse him out and left to my home. the next day i woke up with a headache and a stomach ache. the first thing that was on my mind was HIV and STDs. i was so scared i didnt tell anyone because first of all i wasnt supposed to be go out with jose that night. by reading up on hiv i thougt that every one who gets HIV gets the symptoms after about a week. i was so scared because in about exactly 6 days after the incident i started to get a painful swollen lymph node under my jaw, i had diareahh, and night sweats sometimes, and a yeast infection. i was so scared and wanted to come back home so that i can go to the doctors. I still had 3 weeks to go before i came back home. i came back home by myself since my family had to stay. when i got home the first thing i did was cure my yeast infection with monistat. then when i called my boyfriend i found out that he was in jail. then i even got more nervous about hiv when i got a canker sore in my mouth headaces, still had diareahh, and more lymph nodes were getting swollen and some joint pain. i started crying. i was looking for hiv symptoms on the computer and the same symptoms i had were the same you get when you get hiv.


so i went to the doctors a week and 5 days ago to get a pap smear and an hiv test. did i mention that im only 16. now i have 2 more days to go to find out what my results are. im so nervous and scared. im parcticaly planning out my future with hiv because i made my self belive i have hiv so i can prepare for the worst. im so so so thankful that my boyfriend is in jail. that way he is safe from me . im so scared. i feel so alone

 

Sent via Email - USA, August 30, 2003

 
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