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Unprotected Sex - STOP

Hi I am a 24yr.old female and I am worried that I may have contracted HIV. I was with this guy, 4yrs. older than I, for about a year and we only had protected sex a couple times and all the rest were yes, you guessed it unprotected and we did in my eyes have alot of sex. About 2mths. before we stopped seeing each other he gave me genital herpes. Needless to say he was cheating on me, what an asshole. I have a small lump in my neck for almost 8mths, too scared to ask the Dr. about it, affraid he might say I have HIV. I have not got a test since we had been together. Next mnth I have an appt. to get my yrly pap done and they always offer a test, I decided I would get the test done regardless of how scared I am. I am a big scaredy cat about HIV and think about it every day and I am tierd of wondering. And I sit here and ask myself if I am such a scaredy cat then why am I engaging in these activies, especially unprotcted? Since I have stopped having sex with him I seem to want to call him and just say do you have HIV, but he would probably lie to me and it would not prove anything by me asking, only the test will, cause the blood never lies. The man I was with lives in a community where I hear has lots of HIV cases, but I have not been able to find out the truth if it is or not. I live in Florida and the statstics are 1 in 46 african americans in Fl have HIV. This man is african american also. I have 2 handsome sons(twins) 6 yrs. old and would hate to find out I have it. I feel like I would ruin everything. But all I can do is use protection for now on and forever. I'll go get this test and hope for the best. The people I talk to, about my fears on this and what might come out of these results seem to say oh you'll be fine but I can not seem to get them to understand they don't know how it feels, cause I don't know if I'll be fine. If anyone reads this and is having unprotcted sex STOP cause it is not worth it to put yourself through what I put myself through everyday, worries an more worries. If anyone has any comments or advice for me please respond. Pray for me and may GOD bless you all. Peace...

Sent via Email - Florida, USA. August 11, 2003
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