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Heart broken

Today is Nov 6, 2003. Yesterday was my second year aniversary, with a man whom hasn't been the best for support,but we've made it through or so it seemed. Our relationship started Nov 5, 2001. See our relationship was the first since I had been diagnosed with Genital herpes in April 2000 when I was diagnosed I was also tested for HIV which was negative. In Jan 2001 I was tested again for HIV and tested negative. I stayed alone until I met him November 2001. He was different from anyone I had met he had this bad attitude about him and this macho behavior that drew me to him. He wasn't like my sons fateher sensitive caring, but the difference was a change. Well after a couple of weeks of knowing him he wanted to be intimate. I broke down and explained my situation about the herpes. His answer was "HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?" Look what you have done to yourself, you seemed smarter than that. I left him and came back and this seems to have been the pattern of our relationship to this day Nov 6, 2003. He finally realized the damage he had been doing by calling herpes that shit you have that junk you have he demeanored me and hurt me. He used this to his advantage the macho behavior turned to abuse. Verbally, Mentally and physically a couple of times. I stayed, he told me stories of his abuse as a child how his mother was so distant to him and abused him. I felt sorry because I am very loving kind understanding and the proof shows in my 6 year old son. He is just as loving as me. To make this long story short. We practiced safely in the beginning, then he wanted to go without. Well here I am after I receieved the news on Friday Oct. 31, 2003. That he has tested positive for HIV. I called my doctor right away and asked I had a blood test asap. I am waiting for the results and don't think my outcome will be good. I guess I just have to be strong for my son and myself. I am confused and lost. It isn't like this relationship has been one where he has been the nicest to me. I cried like I've never cried in my life and told him that my life is in his hands. My advice to anyone, If you are going to engage in sexual relations with someone go and get tested at the beginning. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. Stay protected until you can get tested again in another six months. You can't trust no one these days. All this time I was scared to give him herpes and he was carrying something life threatening.

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Sent via Email- Connecticut, USA. Nov 2003

 
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