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Lifes Terms

Hi, My name is Mark and I want to tell you a little about my life. I am 36 years old and I'm a recovering drug addict living with Aids in the U.S. I have done a lot in my life that I regret, but this is something that I don't regret is to share with you my experiences, in hope to make a difference in your life and to give back to the ones that have suffered from my addiction. I started using drugs when I was 9 years old. I used to think that drugs were so kewl when I was younger. My babysitters got me started smoking pot they thought it was kewl to get me stoned. I wanted to be like them. So little did I know I would be worse then them. All through school I tried all different drugs, but the drug that I was so into was speed. I remember the first time I stuck a needle in my arm I was 12 years old. I will never forget that! As I went on I started not to care about anything even myself all I cared about was getting high, that‚s all that mattered to me. I ended up quitting school at 16 years old and working for my father as a furniture salesman. I was a spoiled child.As I went on, I started using meth or (crystal, crank) some of the street names there. I fell in love with my drug of choice and it seemed it fell in love with me. At this point in my life I had become a liar, cheat and a thief. I hurt alot of family members frinds an love ones. I moved to Florida I think I was about 24 years old. I went on using, drinking, stealing and hurting more people that cared for me.

In February 28th, 1994 turned out to be one of the worst days of my life I thought. I was sitting in a detox unit and had found out I had tested positive for HIV. I thought this was it I'm going to die now. I‚m glad I was in there instead of out on the streets because I would have ended my life. I stayed in treatment for awhile and decided that if I was going to die from HIV/AIDS, I was going to make a difference and do something about it. So after I got out of treatment I decided that I had to go out and tell my story about what drugs have done to my life. I was very good at it and I helped a lot of people and children. I went to treatment centers, homeless shelters and schools. During this time though, I lost track of what was important to me and that was my recovery in my addiction. I remember I was in Daytona Beach Florida and I had gotten drunk and also did some acid and decided that if I couldn't stay clean I would end my life. So I decided to drown myself in the ocean. So I started to walk to the beach and walk into the ocean. When I started wading out I remember cussing God, yelling "Why did you do this to me! Why?! This is your love you give me?"

Today I can say it is not God's fault and He did answer me. The police got me and took me to get some help! Well, I continued going to AA/NA meetings, but was still using, not as much as I used to, but still using 4 or 5 times a year. So I slowed down. I worked flea markets in Florida selling shoes At this point in my life I was a wreck.I left and went to Chicago. I don't know why I went there, I just ran away from it all. I went to a homeless shelter and stayed for a couple days and I started getting sick, so I went to the hospital and they admitted me. While I was there they found a place for me to go. I will never forget this place, it was a house for homeless addicts with HIV/AIDS. I stayed clean there and really worked on myself. I ended up staying for 7 months and came back home to my parents in Kentucky. I started taking pills real heavy on an every day basis. In January 2002 I went to the doctor and they told me I had full blown AIDS and they weren't giving me meds because of my not taking them right would do more harm then good. February 2, 2002 my father dies from a heart transplant. He was my best friend. He was always there for me no matter what I did. Then 2 weeks later I leave and relapse. Take all our money and run. I can never say that I will never use again, but I can tell you it has ruined my life and my disease of addiction and HIV/AIDS has effected others. In October 2002 I went out one night an got drunk an ran from the police an went to jail first then they put me in prison for 11 months I got out in September of 2003 an now my diease has progressed rapidly. Today I look at life in a new perspective I live each day like there's no tomorrow an also live life on lifes terms. All I ask of you is to protect yourself and be good to yourself because life is to precious to waste!!
Thank you for reading this..................................................Mark


Sent via Email - Dec 14, 2003. USA.


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