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Really worried

I am a heterosexual woman aged 32 with an excellent career, two degrees, and in a stable relationship with a wonderful guy since 2 years now. I have had a great life so far, and have been lucky enough to have done a lot of travelling all over the world and had a lot of fun in my life; however, i have also done stupid things in my time, let's say i had some very wild times all through my twenties.

I am writing this today because I am convinced i am HIV positive, as in the past 3 months I have experienced all the symptoms I have read about on the net. I last had an hiv test in '97 and it came back negative, however since then i have slept with about 15 guys and had a couple of bi-sexual experiences also. I considered myself to be a responsible person but unfortunately there have been a few accidents since '97 when I havent been as careful as I should have and have been downright stupid and irresponsible. Cut long story short, past 3 months i have been ill three times in the space of six weeks with bad flu-like symptoms, and have had to take a lot of time off work. I have had this recurring cough, my glands have been swollen, I've lost a lot of weight, I have been feeling weak and tired all the time, and all of this has baffled me, as i am really rarely ill - usually i get ill once a year with the flu. I have been to my doctor twice and had blood tests for everything else except HIV - as i wanted to have an anonymous test for this. All my other test results came back normal, and said that i had a 'banal virus' which had multiplied so rapidly in my body which is why i felt so ill suddenly in a short space of time.

I have been meaning to have an HIV test for ages and really should have had one several years ago, but now i am in a stable relationship, my partner and i went in had anonymous hiv test last monday, and i get the results this afternoon. I am scared and annoyed with myself for putting myself in this situation. I am lucky in that i have a very supportive partner with whom i have been completely open with, but am still really really worried. Reading through these stories have helped me to feel i am not alone, and how it is dreadful that there is so much stigma and discrimination in our society today - all over the world. I frankly dont have a clue what i will do if my results are positive, who i will tell if anyone, etc. I do believe though that there is hope....


Sent via Email Feb 10, 2004 from London, UK.

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