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Not worth risking your life

Hi, my name is Abbi, I am a 17 yr old girl and just recently got out of a relationship with my boyfriend from 2 years. I was really devasted and heartbroken because he had cheated on my several times. A couple weeks after we broke up I decided I wanted to get tested for any STD'S. The results came back about a week 1/2 ago. My HIV had came back reactive. When the Dr. told me that there was a possibility that I might have HIV, I was in complete shock. I couldn't believe what she had said. Those words just kept playing in my head. She told she was going to test me again and that the results would be in about 7-10 days. Well, for that next week depression started to take a role immediately. My mom was very supportive and just continued to tell me ''Abbi, no matter what happens I'll always love you and be here and just have faith in God and think postive''. But, I just couldn't deal with the fact that I might be HIV positive. It was like somebody was giving me death sentence and I was just like a walking corspe. So, about the 4th or 5th day I decided I wasnt' going to find out. I couldn't sit there calmly in Dr.'s office while she told me ''Abbi, I'm sorry to say but you are HIV positive''. I just couldn't do it. I was going to do my best and forget about it and go on with my life like nothing was wrong and as if I had never went in the first place. I'm 17 yrs old and I just was not prepared to deal with that. I just couldn't. I kept asking myself how could I've been so stupid to have sex multiple times, unprotected, with someone I know cheated on me but I always took him back. I loved and cared about him unconditionally and just convinced myself that he was just going through a phase or something and it will all end soon. Well, eventually, I got tired of it and we broke up. I was completely heartbroken. It seemed like my world had ended. But, after finding out that there was a possibility that I might have HIV...well that was different story. My life seemed meaningless. Like there was no reason to go on.

Well, fortunaly, the results came back yesterday and I was HIV negative. I cried for about 2 hours just thanking God. That was a big wake up call for me. I'm so thankful and so grateful for everything. I'm scared to death to have sex again and when I do it will be with protection and if I'm in a relationship my partner will go get tested. Theres no way that I could go through that again. I believe that there is a reason for everything. Maybe God had to knock on my door really hard to make realize a lot of things. For one that its not the end of the world losing a boyfriend. Thats for sure. I look at things a lot different and I'm not going to take anything for granted. I'm going to start going to church again and talk to other teens about teenage sex. I hope and pray that if you are sexually active wear protection. HAVING SEX IS NOT WORTH RISKING YOUR LIFE. Please remeber be safe and God Bless. And for those of you who are HIV poistive God Bless you all and stay strong....Thank you for reading my story.

Sent via Email July 11, 2004 from Ocala, Florida, USA.

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