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Unprotected sex

Well, the past two weeks have been absolute hell for me and my boyfriend (who I've been with for over 3 years). On June 21, 2004 I was diagnosed with Chlamydia. Since I never had an STD or STI before, I was completely shocked. I had a pap test done before (3 years ago) before my boyfriend and I slept together, and everything was fine with the results. I could not understand how I could have lived with this infection for so long without knowing. Neither of us had any symptoms,which terrifed us, because if we had Chlamydia and didnt even know it, what else could we have?

After seeing my doctor my boyfriend and I decided to get tested for other STD's, including: Hepatitis B and C, HIV, etc. We were told that the test would take 2 weeks. While I was having my blood drawn I broke down and was consolled by a wonderful nurse. I was completely devastated that I was in this situation. I have had unprotected sex in the past, and in retrospect I have no clue what I was thinking. How could I have put myself in such danger without a care in the world? I also had a home tattoo done so I was extra nervous. Needless to say, my boyfriend has had unprotected sex as well (and is likely that innitial carrier of the Chlamydia infection, although I cannot be certain).

The both of us are extremely close and love eachother dearly. I could not have gone through this with anyone else and I am so greatful to have him by my side. Like I said, the past two weeks have been hell. We cried together day and night- we experienced so many emtotions. I somehow decided that if we were diagnosed with another STD that life would not be worth living. I decided it would be best just to die. As time went on, I became less depressed and more willing to accept my fate- I began to think that life is worth living just because I am alive. No matter what happens, it is just a rock in the middle of the path that needs to be delt with before moving on.

Today, July 12, 2004 at exactly 11:31 am, I learned that we are both HIV negative, nor do we show any signs of Hepatitis or other STD's. Although I am relieved, I know that life has plenty of other suprises in store, plenty of hardship and tough lessons to throw at us. It really doesnt matter what the outcome of a test result is...what matters is how you look at it. Do not let your test results determine the rest of your life- THE RESULTS ARE NOT YOUR LIFE SENTENCE...IT WILL NOT DETERMINE YOUR FATE...only you can do that.

We are all given obstacles in life- they are tests to see how strong we are. The more we learn in this life, the less we will have to endure in the future. Diseases are not here to kill us- they exist as a means of teaching us how to be stronger people. Everyone has obstacle, its just that some peoples' obstacles are dealing with diseases, while other peoples' are dealing with abuse, rape, depression, anxiety, disabilities, etc. etc. etc.
Once we learn to see life as a journey, and once we know that death is not an end, but merely the next step in our journey, we will all be much happier human beings.

To everyone living with any hardships, regardless of what it is, please remember that you are not alone. MILLIONS of people are in your very situation, and every one of you are deserving, beautiful and healthy individuals, regardless of what you might think. Below is a prayer to St. Joseph, one that got me through the two week wait. After reding it, say for nine mornings whatever it is you desire. It has never been known to fail.

"Oh, St. Joseph, whose protection is so
great, so strong, so prompt before the
throne of God, I place in you all my
interest and desires. Oh, St. Joseph, do
assist me by your powerful intercession,
and obtain for me from your divine Son
all spiritual blessings, through Jesus
Christ, our Lord. So, that having engaged
here below your heavenly power, I may
offer my thanksgiving and homage to the
most loving of fathers.
Oh, St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating
you, and Jesus asleep in your arms;
I dare not approach while He reposes
near your heart. Press Him in my name
and kiss His fine head for me and ask
Him to return the Kiss when I draw my
dying breath. St. Joseph, Patron of
departing souls- Pray for me."

Please, regardless if you are Catholic and believe in God or not, find a way to pray and ask for the courage and strength to surpass whatever turmoil you may be enduring in your life. Regardless of the outcome, we will all be okay.

Sent via Email July 13, 2004 from Toronto, Canada.

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