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So many tears

okay! l came out at the age of 26...... met a guy and fell in love , l was head over heals. it wasnt untill 3 years after l found out that our relationship was a lie. he made out to me he was with me and only me, but after our relationship finished l'd found out he been going to saunas and beats and having affairs behind my back...... this lead me to get a HIV test.. it came back positive!! after trying to work things out with him... so many fights..... so many tears..... it became apparent it was not going to work. l was scared that if l left him l would never find love again.... l felt dirty.....l felt ugly......l felt like e germ!!....... l wanted to die. 24 hours a day 7 days a week it was on my mind.... l could'nt clear my mind of it... it drove me crazy..... so l started drinking.....started taking drugs..... started to party..... l wanted to STOP!! l wanted conrol of my mind..... l wanted to get healthy but l was so scared of living to die of the unknown...... l hated my x boyfriend so much for doing this to me...... l was a real mess.

then on day l woke up.... the sun was out..... l lived on the six floor over looking the ocean...... the breeze was soft..... it was the most beautiful morning. i stood and looked at myself in the mirror.... l was'nt sick!! l was just lost for a moment......l lost the faith l had had in myself...... l lost direction..... l got in my car and went and joined a gym.... went to the supermarket and got some vegetables.... l wasnt scared anymore.... l knew l would get over this

5 years later l am healthy, have a very sucessfull business and have found the most amazing man who is neg and has accepted me..... l am still not on meds.... my body is amazing and my mind is so strong.....l never thought l would find love in the way l have found it.... you must never loose yourself and the strength within you..... to those of you in this position fight on... never give up!!
big hugs and kisses to you all


Sent via Email Aug 2, 2004 from Melbourne, Australia.



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