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Ignorance is not bliss

I am a 22 year old black female who is scared to death!!!
I lost my virginity at 14, and between 14-18 I had 9 sex partners, 8 unprotected. Since college between 18-22, I've had 4 sex partners, 2 unprotected. The two I had in college are definitely HIV negative. I don't know the status of anyone that I had sex with between 14-18.

Recently I was diagnosed with HPV and I have to get surgery to remove some abnormal cells. My doctor tells me this is normal and all this, but it made me think about the posibility of having HIV/AIDS. I have never been tested mainly because I didn't think I needed to be. Now all I think about is the possibility.
I am scared because I'm only 22 and I don't want to have this burden over my head. Also because I am in love with a man who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and knowing that I could have possibly infected him because of my own ignorance is killing me.

I go for preadmission testing today (8/16) at the hospital to prepare for my surgery, and they test you for everything. I am nervous but I am also a little relieved in some ways. I am scared to death because I don't want to be positive, and I have learned so much recently.

I have some symptoms that can be HIV symptoms, but they can also be as a result of paranoia because I began noticing them at the time I began to think about it all the time, and they can also be non-HIV issues.
I am just very nervous for myself, but moreso for my current boyfriend who I love so much, and anyone else I could have put at risk. Ignorance really is not bliss.


Sent via Email Aug 16,2004 from New Jersey USA.


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