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Not Alone

First let me give great thanks to GOD above for saving me. He saved me physically and emotionally. Thanks father above.

My story starts 6 years ago I got with a very handsome man who is now my husband. One day I became very sick and he was locked up at the time. And because we both knew that we were very heavyly sexual active in our past I always said I never wanted a aids test. I had fear that it would come back positve. Well I got sick and they said I had walking pnuemonia and they said I had a bad infection in my blood stream that they needed to address but they wanted to do it right and by this they took a aids test. I spent 8 days in the hospital but with GODS blessing I became better in 3 days with simple antibotics through my veins. By this time I had not got the test results back. But hell I figured I was fine since I got better so quick. To my suprise 3 weeks later I recieved a call saying they had the results. At this time my husband was just my boyfriend. We found out that I was positive together. He took a test and found that he indeed is negative. Still we went through many many break ups and lots of ups and downs but he asked to marry me.They whole time we have been together which has now been 7 years on December 12, 2004. We never used condoms. It did not bother me when he wanted to but the end results would always be wirth him pulling them off. I never never mind if we used condoms in fact I would prefer that we did, but he has stated serveral times that he does not like them. So we went on not using them. Now it has been almost 2 months and we have not had sex. We are in marriage counseling which was going great!! We had been in it for about 3 months going 1 time a week. While 2 days ago I my husband reveled that he does not want to have sex because his mother told him that all these years of him testing negative and he is still sleeping with me he is throwing GODS blessing back in his face. So he said that he had never looked at it in that way. Now all that we worked so hard for is over because I feel very dirty and unwanted. My hopes that I had someone who just loved me and I would not have to be like all the people who find out they they have it and have to be alone. That dream for me is now over. I am not angry at him or his mom because she is only concern for her son. I am angry because a simple chioce of protecting yourself was all he needed to do. He didn't have to treat me like I was untouchable. And he didn't have to marry me just to leave me for something I never hide from him. This site is beautiful for all of us who feel alone in a shell to know that really we are not alone at all. I'll be praying for all and even though I might have to get divorce, GOD is still real and loving to me and I will always keep my faith in him.


Sent via Email, December 11, 2004 from Michigan, USA.

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