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I am desperate

Hi I don't know even know how to start
I am 22 years old and I finish college this year. I want so many things from life: a career, a family, and children of my own. I everything seemed to be at my reach. Until now I have slept with 3 men in my life. And I loved each passionately. I actually became sexually active a year an a half ago. I was expecting prince charming, I guess. He did come eventually but we broke up after a while.

But this is not what I wanted to tell you about. 6 months ago I fell in love with a man. I was so stupid that I had unprotected sex with him. I never thought at the consequences. We are not together anymore. I thought for a while that all he had given me was a broken heart. Now I am not so sure. I few weeks ago a rash appeared all over my body. I thought at first that it was an allergy and that it would go away. It didn't. Besides, I experienced all the other symptoms of AIDS: fatigue, fever, night sweats, and swollen lymph glands.
I am desperate. Even when I am writing this I cannot stop trembling. I am so afraid. It seems as if my whole life has come to an end. I won't be able to fulfill any of my dreams. I will never find a man to love me or to have children.
Tomorrow I indend to go and get tested for AIDS. Nothing seems real right now. I can not even cry I feel only shiver down my spine. I can only hope it won't be positive. If it is positive I don‚t know what I will do. I will never be able to tell my parents that.



Sent via Email, April 12, 2005 pittsburgh, USA.

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