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We don't know what to do

I am Ranjan . Professionally, I am working as a Medical Representative in a Private Pharmaceutical company. After completing my BSc I joined this company and I was posted in a town in eastern Nepal. There I met one lady of around 32 years of age who was left by her husband. She had two kids staying at a hostel in Darjeeling. She was living with her mother and was running one small restaurant. I use to take my meals in the same restaurant and she started becoming close to me. She told me that she hasn't had sex with anybody except her husband who had left her 12 years back. We frequently had both vaginal/oral sex, sometimes protected and sometimes unprotected.

After six months of frequent sexual contact, I got some problem in my right eye and I went to the ophthalmologists. They diagnose me as having Uveitis in my right eye which could have been caused by some secondary systemic illness/infection. I was told to undergo various investigations including a VDRL test. The test results were negative and I was very glad with it. I was given some steroid drops to be put in my eyes.

The negative test results encourage me and I again started having sexual contact with that lady. This time I talked about this matter to one of my friend who is professionally a doctor. His name is dinesh maskey .he is doing post graduation in medicine and is in the final year. He is very close to me and we were good friends. He consoled me however the condition of my eye is worsened and I had frequent recurrences of uveitis along with cataract in my right eye. During my stay with this friend, one day we were doing drugs and for the first time in our lives, we shared IV drugs by using the same needles.
8 month after the first test, when the VDRL had been found negative, because of the worsening condition of my eye, my friend suggested that I should have another checkup. This time I was advised to have both HIV and VDRL test done. This time the VDRL/RPR was found reactive and the HIV test was negative. I was very much depressed. The lady told me insistently and made me believed that she hasn't had any contact with any one except me beside her husband. She said she doesn't have any features of STD and she once had Urinary tract Infection which was treated by injections. If she was honest and had she told me the real thing, I would not have had sex with her.

As my friend has shared IV drugs with me, He also got tested for VDRL and he was also found reactive, we both took injection of Procaine Penicillin for 16 days for its treatment. We were very hopeful of not having coexisting HIV infection. After completing the course of treatment, we did our VDRL and HIV tests. VDRL was found to be non reactive but the HIV screening test was positive. I was very much depressed and had suicidal ideas in my mind. Both of us consoled each other and read a lot of literature about HIV. We read about confirmatory and Tiebreaker tests. It gave us some hope. My friend who is a doctor started helping me regarding my blood tests.

In two consecutive tests, the screening test for HIV was positive but the confirmatory/ Tiebraker test were negative. However, after 6 months of the first VDRL reactive results, both of us tested HIV positive. We first felt devastated. All our hopes were shattered. Because of the immense social stigma in our society, we couldn‚t disclose our status anywhere. Both of us are depressed. As both of us are in the medical field, most of our friends are doctors. We tried indirectly to find out their feelings about HIV infected people, and found that they have a very negative attitude towards HIV positives. We have seen them discriminating many HIV positive people in their practice. So we know we will also be discriminated in our social/ occupational and our personal lives. So, we are unable to disclose this.
We found out that other co infections in HIV positive people don't get cured easily and there are frequent recurrences. Our VDRL teas results have again became reactive and we are again taking injections of Penicillin. Today is our 8th day of injections.

We also tried to start an anonymous group in the net for HIV positive people in Nepal. But we received a threatening message. Someone knows about our real identities and wants us to leave this town in 6 months or else that person will make our status public. We don't know what to do.

We had many hopes in life, had many plans for our future. In our families, talks of our marriage are going on. We don't know what will happen if the know about our status. My girlfriend is waiting for me to get married and start a good family life but if you want to say something or share your feelings then contact us at:

Yahoo Group: HIVanonymousNepal/ HIVNepal
Group E Mail: HIVNepal@yahoogroups.com


Sent via Email, April 14, 2005 from Nepal.

Read their followup story 'After becoming positive'

We are writing what has happened to us after our last mail.
The person who has after us and was threatening us by mail send information about our HIV status to both of our officeand we were inquired by our offices. We denied it but they didnot believe and we had to resign the offices.We are meeting people from Gay community by the threatening of that blackmailer.

Sent via Email, July 21, 2005 from Nepal.

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