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Sex is not worth your life

Its crazy, i am a 18 year old black female and scared to death. I have had sex with 8 people since i was 15, six of them unprotected i dont knwo what has went through my mind with me thinking that i cant believe it , anywayz though back in january there was a 3 month period when i did have sex with anyone, i was so afraid that i had HIV because i did have bells palsy before starting on january 1st that is when it all hit me that i could have the virus, after my bells palsy went away on january 24th i went and had a HIV test done on feb 13th, my results were negative.... i was so happy and vowed that i would never have unprotected sex again.. a little while later a i did end up having sex with this one person a couple of weeks later i had sex with my ex boyfriend, once again ,not using protection being that one of them is from a place that has alot of HIV cases in black men in women i was so suspect and not feeling to well.... so my ex-boyfriend that i had sex with , went and got tested, he called me and told me that he tested positive for gonorhea, i just started to cry...but i didnt know what to do becase u could have givin it to him or he could have givin it to me so i just sucked it up and went and got tested, i did test positive for ghonnorea....after that day i once again swore that i would never have sex with anyone unprotected, since then.............i went out of town and met this guy who is 19 years old, really cute guy and we did end up having sex, we started out using protection then it ended up with him taking it off!! He didnt ask me or anything, even though he didnt fully ejaculate in me i got some of it all over my self and my private area.....i was upset when it happend.....and then we didnt talk for a few days....after that happend i went and saw him again and we didnt use a condom this time it was so stupid on my part becasue i didnt think about it i was just ready to have sex, i dont know why its not that great anywayz.....well since then last weekend i saw a friend who i havent seen in about a year and a half....me and him hooked up and ended up having sex as well... and it was unprotected he is 22 y/o and seems like a real good guy i dont think he would lie to me after i asked him if he gets tested and if he has had a HIV test he promised me that his status was negative but the other guy (19y/o) can never give me a str8 answer he says that he is fine and i dont know if i beleive it i am so scared nad i know that i have to get tested, right after me and the first guy had sex i went and got a STD test done and i came back clean, my dr told me to wait to find out if i have HIV or not for 6 months because she wants it to be a good test, aside from this i am borderline diabetic as well as i have Polysystic ovarian syndrome i dont know if the symptoms that i have are from HIV or the prediabetes. i am so messed up and have so many medical problems all ready, i dont kno why i have put my self in this situation so many times i know that premarital sex is already frowned upon by god and he knows whats in my heart i pray to god that when i go get this last test done for this that i am negative and i dont beleive that any of this is worth the worry i hope everyone out there realizes that sex is not worth your life........or worth hurting your family i hope that if they do come back postive my family still loves me and understands that i have made these mistakes and i have to pay for them not them. i hope they will still love me! Be safe everyone my prayers are with u and i hope yours are with me!

 

Sent via Email May 28, 2005 from USA.

 
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