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I was foolish

My name is kim and I am 15 years old. I am a bright, straight A student with a great future ahead of me. I am a championship winner for debate and I have a very happy family. I love to dance and read and I lead a very sheltered life. I would never be suspected of worrying about HIV. BUt I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few months ago whom I have grown to adore. But we have been engaging in unprotected sex for months and in many cases I have been thought to have been pregnant. I have never thougfht about HIV or AIDS for my boyfriend told me he was clear along with the other girl he had had sex with. Yet I am still frightened. I engaged in protected sex with anothr individual two months ago because my boyfriend hurt me real bad and treated me horribly and I wanetd to hurt him. I don't know what my odds are for having HIV but i assume they r very high because the second boy was very promiscuous which I had not known at the time and now I deeply reget my decision. I get sick at times from the anxiety this is causing m because I am too young for this and I have my whole life ahead of me. I pray every chance I get for GOD to grant me mercy for my decisions for I was foolish in my actions and I am always wased over with that peaceful feeling of forgivness, yet when I wake in the morning that feeling is gone and i find myself once again rummaging through countless clinic information to get tested. I cannot get tested now because i need to wait two more months for an accurate reading, but my boyfriend wants me to spend teh night at his house towmorrow and I think he doesn't want to use a condom. I read in one of these stories, that if u are blessed and go back to your sins you will be screwed. But was it really a sin in the first place? If I do have it then so does my boyfriend. But what if that is not the case. Maybe if I ask him to use a condom and if he really loves me he will but I cannot worry about two lives, especially mine the worst part is the waiting, and I don't have the money for a fast reading. I pray and feel peace please kepe me in your prayers, because I know what I have to do, but I need the courage.

 

Sent via Email July 14, 2005 from Florida, USA.

 
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