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Apprehensive & Lonely

Hi, my name is Cyndi I was diagnosed HIV+ in 1995 and thought I would die very soon as I had been very ill in 1993, as follows, and the doctors kept testing me for HIV but the test were always negative... I had left my husband and was living in Houston,TX with my gay brother (he died in 1998 due to AIDS related illness) and we lived in a gay community. It was a very wild time in my life, drinking very heavily, I had a lot of men, many years my junior coming onto me in the gays bars (of a things)most of them were having unprotected sex with older men for money (unknown to me) and many were HIV+...my brother kept warning me to be careful but for some reason I did not listen to him...then I day I found out one of them just died from AIDS and he never even let me know he was +!! A short while later I came down with an acute urinary tract infection and my temperature was over 105 degrees..I thought I just had the flu, unaware of how high my temperature was, and having just started a new job didn't want to take off work soon I was having to lean against the wall to walk and they insisted that I go to the hospital...I was admitted and went from very ill to very critical within a couple of days and developed 5 fatal illnesses including Hepititis C and went into a coma. After a few weeks they called my parents and wanted to unplug me from the life support I was on, my parents ask them if I was suffering and they said they really didn't know...my parents ask them to leave it on...Thank God!! A week later I came out of the coma but they said I would never be the same. Two years later I found out I was HIV+ and my life has never been the same..a couple of years later I met a man 14 years my junior and started a relationship; I, of course, made him aware of my status, but he was very supportive ...after 5 years, however, we seperated and I moved to S. CA to live with my grown sons. I have not met anyone here, friends or someone to have a relationship with. I stay very lonely and depressed. I am afraid to get on a dating site and then have to say, oh yeah, by the way, I'm HIV+!!! I did meet a guy on positive singles.com he, however, wanted to have unprotected sex butI am afraid I will get his form of the virus and die because your body cannot fight two forms of the virus!! I'm not ready to die...still waiting on grandchidren. My test are all good but I stay sick a lot most of the time can't get off the couch. I want to warn everyone out there, don't be foolish like me and have unprotected sex...it will change your life and if you develop the virus you'll never be the same again, it changes your whole world not just for you but your loved ones also (my sons worry constantly about me and it makes me very sad). I need friends especially those who can except me and my illness, so many are prejudice or ignorant...
Cyndi

 

Sent via Email February 11, 2006, from CA, USA.

 
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