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Caretaker

i have always been carefree except where men are concerned i am this caretaker type of person and feel it my duty to abide by my mates every whim. it is crazy all the men in my life have ended up abusing me. i think since i have i have to settle for what i can get but that is bullshit. i am presently alone and living wiht my family who want me gone. i go to school which i love. i have recently become afraid were my hiv satus is concerned because since moving here from CA i have been sick constatntly were it has made me begin to think seriously about my health. i have been positive well they told me 7 yrs. ago but i know it has probably been about 10 yrs. that i have had this i have not progressed in the disease. i have always been very healthy. my mental state i am worried about sometimes i wonder how my friends feel about me since i told them that i am hiv poz. i am insecure even though i know i am beautiful and intelligent i just am tired of meeting men who are also hiv poz and setteling for them just to not be alone. i am no longer afraid of being alone and actually welcome the thought of living alone for the first time. i am 35 that is crazy i have always had a boyfriend though and i don't now even though there are 10 men for every woman in this town i live in. sometimes i feel like people know like everyone knows and that is why people don't talk to me. i am very friendly and out going most of the time. i am unsure if i should leave here and go home to CA or stay and make the best of it i am confused about my life at this time.

 

Sent via Email February 11, 2006, from steamboat springs, Colorado, USA.

 
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