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Getting comfort

Hello everyone. I have been reading all of your stories and getting comfort. For the past year I have been going crazy every day thinking I am infected with HIV. I really have not had any real symptoms accept the ones I imagine in my head and then they become a reality. I am a 21 year old bisexual male. I have had quite a few partners in my lifetime, like everyone else. Although young I have always been really educated about the dangers of having unprotected sex so I have never engaged in such acts. However there was one time when this guy who i barely knew came over and we had sexual intercourse. It was protected but when i told him i was scared to continue to have sex with him he then started saying how he tore the condom on purpose to give me the disease. I didn't know how true it was because all my life I have been known to always check the condoms during and after to make sure everything was still intact and I'm pretty sure I did this time however since i'm always worried about everything I still think about what if i did not check. I am so scared. I have been to my doctor and taken blood test but never the hiv test. Today I built up enough courage to actually go take a test and I get my results back within 2 weeks. I have been praying and asking God for mercy to spare my life because I don't know what I would do if i had this disease. My head hurts so bad, I can't sleep or eat or concentrate at work. I ask myself why would God punish so many people but everything happens for a reason. I see everyone keeps saying HIV is not a death sentence however it does make a major impact in your life and you feel that no one will want to be around you or touch you and you can't make long term goals because of it. I grew up in Miami and was sexually abused a few times so now i find myself having the urges for sex when I don't really need to be. I am going to continue to use protection as I have been. Everyone please just send a quick prayer for me and ask the Lord to ease my mind. Any of you out there going through the same thing i send a prayer right now to the Lord asking him to put ease to your mind and heal your bodies and soul. We are all in this together! I hope I have touched someone and helped them out. I will definitely return to the site and let you all know my results. God Bless you all and be safe always!!!

 

Sent via Email February 18, 2006, from Florida USA.

 
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