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Remembering

Firstly I want to say that I really feel for all of these people on this website with HIV/Aids. I am doing an assignment on the disease for my beautician course and have done lots of research on it. I have also read a lot of these stories, and it has really made me open up my eyes and think about the things I'VE engaged in over the past three years. I never was involved in anything kinky, but I did once take a sexual risk I have never ever done again.


When I turned 18, my friends and I used to get pissed all the time and carry on most weekends. We would start drinking at 7pm and not stop until 6am. We'd go out and make absoulete dickheads of ourselves. We'd pash however many different guys, share drinks, do shots, line up the bar... you name it. I guess you could say we were living out our younger years but now I have grown up and have seen the light. I don't go out every weekend anymore. Simply because I have study to do and just don't want to wake up sick and hungover Sunday mornings. A few of my friends still go out and get drunk but not like we used to. Don't get me wrong I still love to go out and have a good time just not as often and not as hard. Christ we had some hard nights. Anyway I'll get to the point.

 

I remember one night me and my girlfriends all started drinking at about 6pm. I don't know why we did so early.... but we did. We had several shots and drank all those yucki lollywater drinks.


We then moved onto a couple of pubs and drank more, then went onto the biggest nightclub in Darwin. When we got there, I ran into an ex boyfriend of mine. I was already really drunk and seeing eight faces of my friends. My ex started filling me up with more drinks and we danced. At about 3am, he suggested we leave and go back to his place. I would never of done it sober, but coz i was so drunk, I thought what the hell.


We hitched a ride with his mate's girlfriend and she drove us back to his place. It was there we had unprotected sex in his caravan. Needless to say the sex was crap because we were both drunk and I didn't feel for him the same way I used to. The affects of the many alcoholic drinks I'd downed was beginning to wear off, and I jsut felt sick and dirty.
The unprotected sex I still beat myself up over. How could of I done something so stupid, so wrisky, so wrongful? The next morning when I came to, I was sober and had realised what I'd done and knew it was a mistake but I didn't actually address it or think of any STD's I might of cought, let alone HIV. I don't know why, maybe it was because I was so young and naive.
I left his place, didn't say much to him, as he didn't to me- and I caught a taxi back to my friend's house where I was meant to be staying. I crept in early and slept on the floor in the sewing room- it was about 8am. Then I decided just to get up and drive home which I did. I was so hungover and so damned sick. But I still hadn't hought much about STD's.
Then that night, for some uknown reason, I began to start thinking of STD's. I didn't know muich about HIV and had never addressed the topic but then, for that night, it seemed to jump into my head. Suddenly I was like, what if I have Aids? Im stuffed. My life is down the drain. my career as a beautician will be doomed. Who wants to employ a beautician that has Aids?


I started panicking and worrying. Then i thought I jsut have to go to the doctor. I went and broke down in the surgery. She ordered tests for everything, including HIV. She told me there is a 3 month window period to find out about whether HIV is present so even if I did test negative, I'd still have to go back in 3 months.


I tested negative to all the other STD's- thank God. I had no idea who my ex had been with since me, but I knew he loved to get pissed and pick up countless girls. He never had just the one girl- that's one reason we split up because he could not have a steady relationship. He wanted to play the field, get pissed with his mates and pick up.


4 months later, I went and got tested for HIV again. It was the worst waiting period of my life. Finally I got them and was told, "You are negative". I was so happy, I cried! I felt such a huge weight and pain lift from my shoulders.

Since then, my eyes have opened up and I know not to engage in anything so wrong or bad again, let alone get drunk and do stupid things. Yes I like a good time, but in moderation- and not such a full extent. My big nights of drinking with the girls are over, and have been for about a year now. I am 21 in May this year and life's looking good. Im studying , Iwork still and enjoy life. I go out now and again but only till at least 2am, and am home safe and sound. I don't drink near as much and I'm lucky for it.

 

I got a second chance at life guys. I was one of he luckier ones. Don't put yourself at risk. And go and get tested if you haven;t.
Love to you all.

Jenayah xx

 

Sent via Email February 26, 2006, from Darwin, Australia.

 
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