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I'm a 30yr old Gay guy, In August of last year I was diagnosed HIV+. It's the scariest thing that has ever happened too me, 7 months on and I still find myself from time to time crying randomly. Sometimes something will set me off like reading an article about HIV and sometimes I just find myself saying over and over again my head "I'm HIV+". I'm scared I will never love again, or if I do fall in love it won't last because of my virus. I'm scared I will die... I'm scared I will die a slow death in some awful Hospital room. I decided recently to stop my treatment, i didn't get many side effects and they did an amazing job at helping my immune system recover in the 6 months I was on them but they just got in the way of my life too much and everytime i took them I was reminded I'm HIV+. I was missing doses and taking them late and rather than balls things up and help the virus become resistant I stopped so hopefully in the future when I really need them I will still be able to use the same regime. There is not a day in my life where I don't think about my HIV, It's there when I get up in the morning and it's there when I go to sleep at night. It's with me always I think of it as little 'critters' inside of me eating away at my immune sytem like little Pac Man. I know I will get through this and I know there will be a day when it doesn't doesn't sadden and scare me so much but at the moment that day seems to be a long way off. It saddens me to see all these young guys so new to the gay scene, without a care in the world, sleeping around and being un-safe. They just don't seem to think about it anymore like it's gone away or something and they're all getting it and going "what?" they're so young. In my home town, cases of HIV infection have risen by a staggering 19% since 2004 with most of them being gay men. They say there's an amazing number of guys out there that have it but don't know it, that's scary and a lot of them are just babies 18, 19 20yrs old. We need more education! We need to talk about it again, I don't think we need the scare tactick of the late 80's but we do need everyone to understand that HIV is a big part of our community, particularly the Gay community and it hasn't gone away.

I just needed to get that off my chest... feel free to message my with any thoughts or comments

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Sent via Email March 13, 2006 from Brisbane, Australia.


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