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In my friends memory

I guess that my story begins with me saying that I am HIV negative. I recently loss my best friend to HIV/AIDS. It has been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with in my life. She was such a special lady to me. I met her during one of the darkest periods of my life and she helped me pull right through. We were so close that I thought she could tell me everything about her, like I told her about me. We had both gotten into some trouble and ended up in a prison, which is where I met her. I stayed 4 years and she had many left. I stayed in contact with her after I was released. We were good friends for a period of 9 years. I found out that she was really ill in December of 2005. A friend of hers wrote me and told me that the doctors had given her 3 to 6 months to live, that she had lost over 50 pounds and was completely blind. I was in shock, I couldn't believe it. I tried everything possible to get a visit with her but being that I myself was incarcerated at a time they wouldn't approve it. I wanted to see her so bad and let her know what she meant to me. To say "good-bye" face to face. On March 20th, 2006 my dear friend lost her battle. When I heard the news, I fell to pieces. I lost a part of me that I could never get back. I thought that she had died of cancer but the very next week, I received a letter from her friend that was there telling me that my friend had died of Aids. She had known for many years that she had HIV but she never told me. She wanted me to know after she died. I was filled with so many emotions. I was angry at myself for not knowing, for letting her carry her burden alone, for not being a better friend, so many things. I cried and cried just thinking of how I had let her down. We talked about everything but this was the one thing she kept from me. Now, I am only left with unanswered questions. How could I have not known? Why did she feel like she couldn't tell me? Was she afraid that I would judge her or run away? I want people who are living with HIV/AIDS, please I know that it is hard enough to deal with alone but if you have people in your life who care about you, let them know. Then they can support you, be there for you, I wish that I had known....Now what I am doing in my friends memory is that I am getting educated on HIV/AIDS and I volunteer myself to help people with the virus. Although I failed my friend, I will not fail another person. I will be there for them in everything that they need. I miss my friend so much but I know that she is free and flying high in the sky!!! I love you Nena!!!!!

Sent via Email April 5, 2006 from United States.

 
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