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Looking at life a new way

I'm sure i am just like everyone on this site, looking around the internet trying to figure out whats what about hiv, you probably ask yourself almost everyday " do i have the symptoms?" and im sure you have noticed something on the lines of hiv or any std. I've had unprotected sex with multiple guys through out my life, i am 25 years old so thats been a few. I have a five year old son and he is the main reason why i got tested for hiv. I contracted an STD when i was about seventeen years old and most statistics show that if you are having unprotected sex you can get contract stds but most dangerously HIV. Since the time i got the Std when i was a teenager i have had an extreme amount of depression rise upon me because i had noticed some small symptoms accuring that could be linked to hiv, i was too scared to get tested, i thought to myself i would rather not know than to find out that my life will be over earlier then i had once dreamed. I went years and years with the thought of being HIV positive as a factor in my life. I had my son and still with major ignorence never got tested :o( .... i was really too afraid. I would notice more and more symptoms through out my early 20's which completly ruined a lot of my life. I would cry and cry thinking about my future and to tell you the truth i got to a point at the end of not knowing where i would absalutely know that i wouldnt have a future. I thought i definitely was positive. You can just image (im sure a lot of you are doing this also) the frustration of looking on the internet, all over the web, to find different things i should be looking for, medication, and how hiv affects the body, i was drinving myself crazy by the end. it took a lot of courage for me to get the test, almost ten years of thinking not knowing, hiding what i was lookin up on the internet so that no one would know what i was doing.....i didnt want anyone thinking that i was positive, so i would just x out the web site i was looking at.....

I didnt feel comfortable going to the doctors to get checked out, i figured that if i was positive than i would like to know before anyone else. I prefered a doctor not to come in and tell me because i would totally freak. The day came when i would have to do it, days in of crying would finally tear me to the point i couldnt take it anymore, i knew that if i was positive it would be best to get help and help for my son if he needed it...which i prayed everynight that if i had it he didnt.....i bought an over the counter hiv test at a local pharmacy and did some research on it. i found out that it is over 99.9 % accurate and they use all of the same test that doctors offices use. i sat at this beautiful area around the ocean and stared for a long time before i was actually able to prick myself. i had followed the steps and sent the blood out...the box said that they would have the results in a couple of days. they provided me with a anonymous number that when i called up i would have to punch it in and they would tell me the results there were also counselors there to help me.

 

now the next step was to actually call up, i cried for a bit before the day came where i would have to call. i dont think that my heart has ever beated so fast, let me just tell you something out of all the life experiences i have had, this had to have been the most scary one. the phone number i dialed led me to all of these ?s that i had to answer like did i think that i was hiv positive and of coarse i said yes. after about five minutes of ?ing they read me the result.NEGATIVE......i cried like a new born baby. a counselor than talked to me...and of coarse i sat there for an hour drilling her for ?s like how accurate is the test, are you sure im negative, could i have aids, and she assured me that the test was accurate, it is fda approved...so now i have had a new life revalation, no more doing bad things like having unprotected sex and another thing, i look at my life in a whole new way....

 

i would extremely urge you to get a test asap if you believe that you have hiv, i know by personal experience the dread and depression someone can go through just thinking that you may have it, it did lead you to this site didnt it, i am willing to help anyone that needs my pressure about getting the test done....if you do have it there medications out there that will prolong your life.. you dont have to think so much about the negative. and if your negative thats great....there is a fifty fifty chance but wouldnt you like to know the results, wouldnt you like to know your safe?....25/f

 

Sent via Email April 25, 2006 from Maine.

 
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