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Craziness about fear

Well my story is just like everyone else's . But it is always comforting to share one's story. My worries started three years ago when I started going out with my best friend's roommate. At first going out with him I was madly in love not paying much attention in trying to know him better before having intercourse with him. Then one day the condom broke and I started to panic. I didn't know if this guy was clean or not. I asked him and he said most probably, but I could see in his eyes that he was not sure. So to be on the safe side I asked him to go and get himself tested because I was too freaked out to go myself. Many months passed and he didn‚t go to get himself checked. So I asked him again and said that I would go too if he gets himself checked out. To cut the story short, he never went to get himself checked out.


Now what freaked me out the most is that I started getting to know him better, and found out that he had multiple girlfriends in the past , already went out with a bar stripper and was cheating on me whilst going out with me.


So after two months into our relationship I developed a major soar throat. I went to the doctor to get myself healed, but the antibiotics that the doctor gave me did not work. So then I started to worry even more. I didn‚t want to go back to the doctor, because I was afraid to find out that I had something serious like HIV. So two months later I broke up with my boyfriend. I decided to go back to the doctor after that, to get a general exam and they found out that I had Hepatitis B. That killed my moral and it took me a year to accept it. The doctor had also proposed to me to have an HIV test exam, I said that I was not ready just yet. So she gave me two months to think about it. Up until now I have not gone for that test. And the thought of me possibly having HIV is hunting me all the time. So since then, I have been having persistent soar throats that wont go away. It is now two years that I am living with it. But I have reached to a point where I cannot handle this anymore. But I can‚t find the courage to go and get that test done. I am afraid to fall in a great depression if I find out I am positive.



Sent via Email May 18, 2006 from Canada.

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