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Im a confused lady from the Philippines where condom is being contradicted by the Catholic church and so many people were not aware of the advantages of using it.


By the time Im writing this, I have not yet been tested for HIV. Im still finding time and guts for it, for if I find it positive, I will curse my self forever. I was involved with many sexual relations and was not able to use condoms at all! Im not a prostitute, nor a drug user, but being from a broken family and as a first daughter, high expectations were laid on my shoulders by my parents and sisters. There were times I got problems and I could not run into my mother to seek her advice. Most of the times, she would get mad at me, so I was involved into peers, and from there I learned drinking. I got flirtatious at times.

Anyways, back to the story, Its more than 10 years now that I had my 1st sexual relation from an older man. I kept on clinging to older man as i was seeking elder attention which I wasnt able to get from my family. Im now 3 years married with a year old daughter. This man has been sexually engaged with me for about 5 years now. He is a very good husband. During the times we were together, we never cheated! However, my problem is I recently just become seriously curious about this HIV thing. I had this ex-bf way back 1999-2000 who used drugs. He told me he had 3 girls before me, he wasnt my 1st bf too! Also, b4 that drug guy, I had this genius bf who had sex with many different women but he told me that he uses condoms. I believed him then.


My problem is... now that i am informed on the signs of HIV, Im scared to death! I had some colds and flu symptoms in the past, also experiencing swelling of lympf at times and mostly recovers from it, frequent yeast infection. But I never had sore at my mouth like others used to. But i have read that there are some carriers who might dont have the symptoms but they actually have it!


Now, my question is.. if Im HIV+... could it be possible that I am this healthy now? Its about 6 years now since I had sex with those 2 ex of mine! Ive been involved with 1 man for more than 5 years now and if ever I am this HIV+, I wouldnt know how he would feel about it and most of all, my concern is my precious one! She would not live a healthy life! My baby at the monet is very healthy! i had her breastfed for 2 months..


In a country like Philippines, getting HIV+ diagnosed is a big humiliation! I wanted to get tested but there are only few institutes who offers this and Im so shy to tell the hsopital staff that I want to get tested for HIV!

May God help me...


So for all of you guys who has problems with their families, sex is not the answer! One single shot will ruin your lif and you dont deserve it! And for the parents who expects so much from their children... accept them for what they are! If a child gets pressured, he/she would be ashamed of telling you their fall and probably would try to get attention from others and of course they dont know what they're up to... They're much younger than you are! So please help them!


Sent via Email July 9, 2006 from Philippines.

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