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I have been sexually active since i was 14. I am now 29. I have had so many partners i lost count. I had low self esteem. My mom thought i was fat so when grown men would call me pretty and sexy, well i gave them what they wanted. I never insisted on condoms. Who was i to think of my own life, somebody cared about me even if for a moment in time. I have had 5tests for hiv. 4 during pregnancy all negative. The last one, i just had this feeling my husband was cheating on me. I looked on the internet and all the symptoms almost, i had. I had fungal infections, ring worm in my hair which everything i read said adults do not get this unless the immune system is compromised (usually by hiv/aids), fungal infection under my breast. My eczema was acting up horribly. I began noticing spots on my body, blemishes, my skin peeling. Horror took over me, I didnt want to know. Plus i dont have the money for treatment so why find out. Then i felt a sense of responsibility to my kids. Maybe i could get g'vment assistance and get help with medical but i had to prolong my life as long as possible for my kids. I had told my husband of my fears and he wasnt worried, said he hadnt done anything wrong. I went and got tested and tried not to think about it while i waited for the results. I called everyday even thugh all they could tell me was if the results were there but not the results. I told them i needed to make an appointment for something else and would call back for that and get my results at the same time. Well i put it off for a month and then someone from the office called me about an appointment i had mentioned i wanted to make....a month later! Well that confirmed it for me. I made the appointment anyway and my husband drove me and he and the kids waited in the car, boy was he nervous for an innocent man. Anyway i was praying god please let me just drop dead if im positive, just let me drop dead now please. I was throwing up in my mouth. Finally they came in and my results were negative. I have been thinking about all the stupid things i have done in life and wonder why not me but the little innocent babies. I dont know. I am not with my husband, fear led my life for a while. I look at my children and hope i can build them up enough so they do not jeopardize their lives as i have done. Dont let fear guide you, get tested even though it is a scary experience it is necessary. To those who are positive and being positive all i can say is god bless, educate where and when you can, it is necessary. I talk to people whenever i can, be safe be safe. It only takes one time and even though ive had my share of men and am negative, a cousin of mine was with only her husband but she cant share her story because she died 5 years ago from aids related cancer, and lung infection.

Sent via Email July 13, 2006 from USA.

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