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Will use condoms forever

I have been living with the fear of HIV for many years. I knew there was a possibility that I could have been positive but yet I married someone putting his and my life in danger, because neither one of us had been tested prior. I remember being afraid that I would be outed when my daughter was born in '94. I have been condeming myself and living with uncertainty about my future because of the risk I took at 18yrs old. I would worry every time I got a cold or a even a yeast in fection.I thought maybe my daughters autism was a result of hiv infection.


I am now 33, and guilt prompted me to get a test after my husband took a rapid test and recieved a negative result. I had unprotected sex while we were separated and never told my husband. Since he also had unprotected sex, i felt it easier to blame him than to confess. I decided to take the test and get over my fear, because my husband had a negative result and I didn't want to put him at risk.


My test return negative but i am still thinking how my selfishness almost ruined lives. I am so afraid to be put myself in this perdiciment again that I'll probably use condoms forever, even with my husband.

 

Sent via Email September 9 from New York, USA.

 
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