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The wait

I really do not know were to begin. I guess I will start at were I am now. In the last 3 years I have had sex with about 30 sex workers. All with condoms but had oral sex on some and them on me without protection. To he honest I knew about Aids and would never had done anything like this years before. I have no idea what came over me. Well one encounted with a sex worker ended with the condom breaking and my nightmare started. I got sore throat three days after, but no fever or any of the other symptoms of HIV. Two weeks past and after one course of antibiotics my sore throat would not go away. It only stopped after the second course of drugs and now my mouth is very sensitive to monthwash and I had to stop using my herbal toothpaste. Well, I was so scared that I run to the doctor and told him I need an Aids test. He said I have to wait 6 months. Last week I got a bad cold and then the flu (4 month gone by), joint pain, backache, fever and no matter what I took at first I would not get better. My doctor also says I have begining stages of bronchitis. Still I have to wait 2 more month for my Hiv test. My wife is pregnat with our kid so she got an aids test and she is fine. At least I did not have sex with her after the incident. I am terrified everyday and I cry somedays. All I wonder is how could I have been so careless with my life. I think I am intelligent enough to know better , yet I had sex with high risk women. I already think I am positive because I am not feeling the same health wise since that night. I had to write to this site because I can not discuss this with anyone. All I can do is wait but some how I think this is the end for me. Can't help thinking I am on my way out of this world.

 

Sent via Email September 10, 2006 from the Caribbean,

 
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