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Too scared

My story is a sad one, with a hopefully happy ending. I was 21 years old earlier this year and had a boyfreind whom I loved dearly, yet he was distant, verbally abusive, and just plain treated me bad. I looked for solace in drugs(not iv drugs, but I would prefer not to say) and other guys. I was soon addicted, and basically slept with a couple guys in return for drugs. These weren't just your suburban guys, they were from the city. I felt horrible about it, and it haunts me everyday. I found out later one of the guys I slept with ina drug induced haze was a former iv drug user and now I'm horrified at the possiblity of having HIV. No man would ever date me again, and my life would be ruined. I have chronic anxiety and extreme fear of all medical personel, procedures, needles, catheters, ect. I haven't seen a doctor in years because of it. I could never handle being sick in the hospital with aids. I'm too scared to get tested, as well. A few months(3) after the possible infection date, I developed shingles, which made me terrified of a possible post infection sickness. I have no idea what to do, and are very scared.

 

Sent via Email September 4, 2006 from Boston, USA.

 
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