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Absolutely terrified

Absolutely terrified doesnt quite cover it.

In September 2006 I was in Rio de Janeiro. One night I was out with all my friends in several bars and clubs; it was towards the end of my holiday and we were celebrating big style. Needless to say I was absolutely plastered (drunk). I met a local girl in a bar and went back to her house where she gave unprotected me oral sex. I was thinking straight enough to use a condom when we had sex, but for some reason it never occured to me to use a condom during oral.

Im an intelligent man of 23, but my world has turned on its head. I returned home about a week after and went straight to the GUM clinic where I was tested... a weight seemed to lift, but 'quel suprise', the test came back negative. I was not particularly worried at that time, I had a sore throat, but thought nothing of it.


Six weeks later the sore throat developed into tonsilitus and my glands came up under my jaw. OK... this opened the flood gates. Ever since then I have become petrified, my glands are still a little swollen and the sore throat comes and goes. Hiv is the first and last thing I think of every day.


Ten weeks past and I was sure I was making myself ill with worry I just need closure... good or bad.

I went again to the clinic to be tested... and now im waiting for the results. It has been 3 days so far and every day I wake up and wait for the phone to ring to tell me i have cut my life expectancy in half.


Its not death or Hiv itself that I fear, its telling my parents. I have been contemplating all avenues; not telling them, telling them, fleeing the country, ive thought them all. All I can do is wait.

It will kill them to find out, but keeping this bottled up would kill me before Aids will.


Sent via Email November 18, 2006 from United Kingdom.

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