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The moral of the story

Hi everyone,

I am a 24 year old bi-sexual guy in Sydney. I think i'm more straight than gay, but that's another story. First of all my heart goes out to all you people HIV, its a dreadful thing and you should be treated with the decency and respect of every other living human on the planet.


I just recently started experimenting with guys for the first time, and stupidly met this guy through the internet to go and stay with him at a motel. We ended up having unprotected sex, i didn't think anything of it at the time.

However a mate was telling me of a gay guy at work who recently caught the disease. It really got me worried, i couldn't stop thinking about it.


The thing that really got me worried is that i had been having sex with this girl for a few months and she was on the pill so we didn't use protection. Not only that, but no-one knew i was bi. So i had the possibility of being HIV+, everyone knowing i was curiously gay, and infecting a girl. The fear of all this made me feel terrible. I've read many of the stories on the website and i too had that terrible feeling in my stomach. I couldn't concentrate on anything i was constantly worried about it, i got a fever, swollen glands, sweats, lost my appetite almost completely, lost about 10 kilo's in the space of a month.

My parents knew by the tone of my voice that something was wrong, i denied it but they knew something was troubling me. I'm not a religious man but i prayed so much in that month! It was the worst i have ever felt.


Finally one day i decided to go to the doctors because i was a fucking nervous wreck, i was screaming inside. I went and she took a blood sample. She had the results the next day.

I was ready for the worst, if i was positive i convinced myself i was going to commit suicide. I had even picked out the spot where i was going to do it. I wrote a suicide note, left it on my desk and went to the doctors.

It came back negative, i almost collapsed with relief. however i had to race home because i had left a suicide note on my desk and my housemate was on his way home. It was all happening! i was hysterical, I had so much adrenaline pumping through my body, i was shaking so much.

I made it back just in time, he didn't see the note or find out anyhting about my testing.

Moral of the story.................................................


thanks to all for listening, i really needed to get that off my chest.

To all those who are positive my thoughts and prayers go out to you all. One day you will all be well and happy.


Sent via Email November 19, 2006 from Sydney, Australia.

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