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Set you free

I am at present twenty seven years old.
When i was twenty five i met my current girlfriend who was a virgin i love very much and would die for.
She gave me her gift of herself.

I had had several unprotected partners since i lost my virginity at age 19, several of which undoubtedly had been with several partners as well. Sex was casual, it was nothing. Another notch.

I had sex with four partners while with my current girlfriend at the very dawn of our relationship but all four encounters were protected.

A year ago i had a wrenching, stabbing pain in my side, and figured it was an infection of the plural cavity under my ribs. I went to the doctor and when he pulled up my shirt he noticed bumps on my back.

Daignosis: Shingles
What the hell were shingles?
Nobody my age gets shingles.

A month later i noticed tiny dots appeared on my dingaling and i went to the same family doctor. He referred me to a urologist and seemed deeply concerned. We got to talking about my immune system and he told me of a virus that weakens such a system. I chuckled because it was common knowledge, however, he didnt chuckle. His strait face was sobering. He asked if i had ever been tested and i said no. He recommended it. This was the tip of my mind-trip iceberg.

I immediately told my girl about the bumps and the urologist wasnt concerned at all even though i told him about the shingles. His disconcern was my justification for not getting tested, plus i loved my girl and could not bring that on her or her family. I would rather catch the 40 caliber bullet train.

A few months went by and a fever came along with a sore throat and my right gland in the neck grew to two or three times its size. I toughed it out for six days.

My paranoia grew and multiplied.
A few months later came a cold and my mind trip swirled.
Every time i thought about it a symptom appeared.

Chest pain, a blemish, abdominal pain, a blemish, did my lymph node ever go back to normal? Is it tender? A sore on my tongue. Is that a cough coming on? I cant breathe.

I am alone in my mind-trip prison cell.
I looked online for symptoms and this just sent me into a solitary spiral of fear.
This was no way to live.

A spot appeared on my hand that resembled a cold sore or blister. Who the hell gets a sore on thier hand out of nowhere? I must be positive. If i am my girl is. One step closer to that bullet.

Ok i couldnt take it anymore. Testing positive would set me free just as testing negative would set me free. It would set us free. Us. My girl and me.

Made the call and made an appointment. Called my mom and sobbed.
My mom met me and we went together.
She sat through the appointment with me.
The nurse was so comforting and compassionately soothing.

Twenty minutes of talking to her and asking her every question i could think of and my test results had completed thier freeing chemical reaction.

Negative.

Thank you mom, katie, and God.
A new beginning.
An unbearable weight lifted.A new life.

If you are on a trip like i was, a test will set you free either way.

 

Sent via Email February 3, 2007 from Indiana, USA.

 
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