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Home testing

Well, I suppose my story is similar to many. I have always had high anxiety and had a one night stand, which eventually sent me into a spiral of paranoia about HIV. Over the last year I have been constantly thinking about HIV and checking myself for symptoms. Although I knew it was irrational I had completely convinced myself I had HIV. Eventhough I had no idea if this man had HIV (which he probably dosent) I thught I definately had it. Recently I developed some lumps in my neck and I then only grew more paranoid about HIV. I spent all day thinking about it and about how to tell my very conservative current boyfriend that I had infected him with HIV and ruined his life. Everytime my boss would leave her desk, I was on the web obsessively looking at HIV symptoms and poking at my body. Well, I evenually reached a breaking point (as most people do) and got tested. I did the at home test through Home Access. The first test wasnt tested because I messed up the packaging when I returned it. After that I almost gave up, but then I decided to test again. When calling for my results I have never been so scared. My whole body was shaking and I did honestly have suicidal thoughts. I am HIV NEGATIVE and so incredibly thankful. To all of you looking at this sight and thinking about testing, God bless you. Stay strong. I wish only the best and please get tested before you could possibly expose someone you love very much.


Sent via Email April 7, 2007 from Colorado, USA.

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