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Given a repreive

Hi everyone,

This story is for all those people who are currently in the testing stage either waiting for their tests or their results.

First of all I just want to say I admire the many people who have to cope with HIV you are truly brave and remarkable human beings.

 

I thought I would write this story as a similar one on this website helped me to get through what was without question one of the scariest moments in my life. As I am writing this I have just learned not more than 10 minutes ago that my test has come back negative yet for the three days I had to wait I have never been so scared in my whole life.

 

The reason why I was so afraid was due to the fact that I have just gone travelling for a year after splitting up with my girlfriend and became pretty much a liability. I ended up sleeping with nearly 4 women unprotected stupidly when drunk including a Thai girl I met back in May.

 

As soon as I came home I realised just how idiotic I had been and decided to get tested. The problem was I had to wait a week before my test so naturally I looked on the internet for some advice/reassurance.

For anyone in the same situation I think this is not such a good idea. The internet is fantastic for information dont get me wrong and their are many fantastic websites available for support yet for someone with my personality who maybe has a glass half empty mentality, then sooner or later I started to convince myself I had HIV. The major clincher was that I had never been sick for 2 years yet 3-6 weeks after having sex with the thai girl I fell ill with tonsillitis. As everyone knows most websites say that the one only symptom of having HIV if any is to develop a flu-like illness 3-6 weeks after exposure. I then looked at the HIV demographics of the area in Thailand I slept with that girl and to my horror it was the worst affected area in the country.

 

This started to make me feel sick to my stomach, I couldnt do anything without thinking about it. I couldnt eat, sleep or talk to anyone and everytime I watched Tv I would see people falling in love and have children and thought I may never have that and the visions of my parents breaking down over my grave scared the absoloute crap out of me. I am also about to start my career as a graduate hotel manager in London on Monday and thought I may not be up to that either. My whole life felt as if it was falling apart so much that even though I would have never classed myself as religious I even prayed to God for help with the promise I would not waste my life if given a repreive.

 

The whole reason I am writing this and I am sorry if this is contraversial is that all the people who read this in my position should try their best not to worry. This is not an advert to go out and have unprotected sex at all because from now on I will never be taking the chance again after what I have been through but the chances of you having contracting the virus through oral sex and 1 casual meeting is smaller than you think. It is easier said than done to not worry but you really have to believe that the odds are in your favour because on the whole they usually are and if you worry too much you may do yourself damage. Remember that there is an element of scare-mongering on the internet and there will always be bad stories found on search engines for people in your position.

 

My advice is to get a test and discuss the risks with the doctor at your appointment. They will lean more towards reassurance which I believe is vital in situations like these. The main piece of advice though is not to do what I did and act like a promiscuous idiot and if you do then get involved with protection. I know that some people will be saying that they just dont enjoy sex with a condom but I promise you from my own experience that better pleasure at the time does not even compare to the soul-shattering worry that comes with it afterwards. (sorry about the lecture but it really is true)

I hope this helps anyone who reads this and good luck to anyone who is having their test. I really hope it works out

xx

 

Sent via Email November 21, 2007 from Colchester.

 
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