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And so it is...

And so it is....Positive Or Not? Alone?

I think I should start by saying, that I have read some very inspirational stories tonight. I have read some stories and the writers are livid with fear, isolation and turmoil. Waiting on results? The "What if?" scenario. I have read the stories by the people who have been infected by HIV. They got their "positive" result. Some keeping us up to date with their coping of their condition..... Some people providing suggestions and words of advice.

 

Wow... there is alot here.

Two weeks ago, I had unprotected sex with a sassy girl. She WAS beautiful... I was on holiday and as the story goes... one thing led to another. I believe we SHOULDN'T drink and drive. I wish that could be applied to sex. It was a one night stand. Alcohol fueled and a bit mad in general how it all came to be... nonetheless it happened.

I'm a healthy guy and just out of a four year relationship with my ex. We had no STD's or no need to consider HIV and Aids as we both had no other sexual partners.

I believe there is a high chance that I could test positive for HIV. I am currently awaiting results which will take another two weeks. I'll need to go for another test in a couple of months should these results be negative really.... (for the time it takes for the results to show properly...)

 

For nights and days, I have worried myself. I have felt the fear, the loneliness and the meticulous consideration of my actions have played over and over in my head. What would I do if I tested positive?

I smile lightly and calmly as I write this. I'm being brave I suppose.

Life will go on. Alright - it will change dramatically.... but there will be hope. Even though my mind and soul are playing tricks on me now, I'll just have to await the results before I can make the next moves.

Why am I telling my story? I firmly believe for all those people out there too afraid to get tested.... I think you should.

For all those people out there in the same position as me... you are not alone. Hell, email me! Nothing like being in the same boat!

 

People do not have to go through this alone! Like myself, I'm sure if my results are positive.... my family will be supportive. I think that will be all who I will tell. Maybe a close friend....

I do not know the next course of action really after the dreaded D Day. I'm keeping an open mind as to what is next. Of course I have researched as much as possible and realize that I could just have to take more medicine than the next man to stay alive.

 

I try to consider, like everyone here... how ignorant our modern day world can be to people that test positive and live with the condition. I stand defiant and still hold some small warm glow that even if I am positive... there will be a way forward...

To be honest, I really wish someone WOULD email me should they be feeling alone and scared. I think you only contemplate and consider this sort of thing properly when your bang stang right in the middle of it. I know what it feels like... my mail box is open.

 

I read about a brave girl who has to take 23 types of medication a day... I think she was only 17....and yet kept a cheerful pitch. Talk about courage.

So if I am positive? I'll report back here. If not? I'll do the same. I think either way... It is best to share my experience (and be honest, its not the jimi hendrix experience is it?) here.

Truthfully, I probably have run through over and over in my head the exact same things that someone else in my position is...

Who will I tell if I am positive?

What will I do?

Will I find someone?

Will I have a relationship ever again?

Will people regard me in a different way should they know?

What about job prospects?

How ill could I get?

How long could I have?

What will I react like when I get the results?

How will my family, friends and close relationships react?

The list is endless...

Who can I tell now about my fears?

I DO know what it must feel like right now to not know... but have an inkling there is a "chance" you might be positive.

Grahame x

 

Sent via Email December 3, 2007 from UK.

 
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