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Four years positive

hi guys, im a 21 yr old mother from Brisbane,Australia.

i have been diagnosed with HIV for 4yrs now.

 

i found out the day i went into labour with my son. i had all the tests while i was pregnant but the doctors lost my blood tests. i didnt think anything of it. i was always so careful. how wrong u can be about the person you love is beyond words. i went into labour with my son and found out an hour before i had him. i had an emergency c-section and i was a total mess, i didnt know what was going on.( my son did not contract the disease)

it absolutley crushed me to know that i could never experience the wonderful things that came wih mther hood like giving birth naturally, breast feeding, i was so druged up from the ceaser i couldnt even change his first nappy nor give him his first feed. i was ripped in half.

 

i felt so dirty, so alone, so much guilt that i could bring a human being into this world with so much hatred for myself.

i hated myslelf, i was so disgusted with myself. the one person i trusted,i loved,i cherished did this to me without telling me. our whole relationship was a complete lie, but yet i always thought it was my fault coz i didnt do my homework.

well since then, i have met the most wonderful man, he is my rock, my shoulder through thick and thin. and his aunty is a mental health doctor and my gp. she has also been my rock. did u know that people with HIV have lived longer than people with diabetes.

 

i lost alot of my friends over this but it has only made me stronger. when they found out, i was the biggest slut in the world. but never that, its not how many people u sleep with. i trusted the man of my dreams with my life and he threw it back in my face. it took me a long time to better my self, to walk again with my held held high, to not be ashamed or scared. i look at my son everyday and thank god that i was given such a blessing despite the circumstances with his father. he is my will to live on and enjoy my life for what it is. i cant change my situation but i can sure as hell better it and better myself for mine and my sons sake and hopefully yours if you are reading this.

 

i buried my head in the sand for 4yrs hopin that i would wake up from this nightmare, i turned to drugs and alcohol hoping it would make everything go away. what good that did!!! but this mightmare is now my life and the only thing i could do was move on and make myself a better person.

i am currently studying business online, i have a healthy baby boy. i am not currenty on medication but i know its in the near future.

 

i have never yet met anyone with HIV but it would be nice to get some support from someone who knows what im going through. i get alot of support from my family but it will never compare to the support from someone who knows exactly how i feel.

we will get through this together and ill be damned if i let anyone tell me otherwise or bring me down coz i am what i am and i cant change that but im still here and im higher than life.

 

Sent via Email November 30, 2007 from Brisbane, Australia.

 
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