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I am 29 year old Male, with past drug issues I have been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years, last year I found out she cheated on me with 5 other people. we broke up, I went and got tested everything was negative.
We got back together after some counseling. this was 8 months ago. we have had a great relationship since.
last week she went to Las Vegas for a bacheloret party, she is do to come back tomorrow.

 

THIS IS THE QUESTION
As stated before I used to have a drug problem, Meth. 4 years ago before my son was born. I also have a thing for men, which I have not acted on until very recently.


She left on Thursday, it makes me very ancxtious when she leaves because of previus infidelity issues on her side I had never cheated on her, until now.

 

I remembered when I used to have the drug I would look up m4m websites and play wiith the idea of meeting someone and having sex with them, but never did it. I looked and there it was Meth add and sex.... I swear I thought to myselfShould I should I not, but the drug was to strong, the mear idea that I would have it and might have sex finaly with a man was to much. So I left work got to the place got highjhhh and it was different this time then in the pastit was stronger.... I felt like I never felt before.


The man was an avargage guy from what I could tell. I had brought condoms because I know that having sex with someone that has HIV is still ok as long as you take the proper precautions. The act is normally called PNP party and Play.
I had never had anal sex prior to this so I didnt know what to look for, The guy was about to start and I was going to receive, I asked him to put on the condom, which he morbidly replied already did.


I did not turn to look... he started but it was to painfull to continue, time was 20 seconds of pain. he did not ejaculate, he ran to the bathroom and showerd, I then looked at the package of condoms I had just bought and all 3 were still there, I yelled YOU FORGOT THE CONDOM!!!!! I felt dirty so I waited till he got out of the shower and SHHOWERD... I ran out and left...

I was still HIGH and worried.... I went home and looked up another site that gives more info on M4M that are serching like a Myspace for gay people. I ran the search age location criteria................


I felt my heart jump out of my side POZ BB
POSITIVE AND BAREBACK (NO CONDOM)

 

I fell to the ground and started crying.... but no tears would come out nothing came out. Luckily I had been talking to a friend that works at a non profit aids center, I called him and told him what happened him an ex addict himslef he Yelled and told me to relax, he said I needed to rush myself to the Emergency room and get a drug called conbivr. I ran in saw the doctor which I had to explain the whole story, they gave me meds right away and a diagnosis based on the info I gave him
6 in 7000 chance I might have it, I felt better, but now sunday night, Monday morning, I am to pick up my girlfriend up in the morning, HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO THE MOTHER OF OUR 3 YEAR OLD BOY? we have unprotected sex, she is catholic and she also likes it this way.

 

I was planning on telling her that I wanted to start wearing condoms, but I think she will see right through it ontop of the Medecine the doc gave me is going to make me very sick Im taking it now and I almost crashed yesterday after I took it, it's highly toxic... but it makes my odds of contracting HIV much better. I want to live!

I could tell her that I had annonymous sex with someone with out a condom.. We might break up.
I could tell her that I came into contact but not reveal the whole story but she wold ask to many questions.
I could tell her the truth and risk break up, humiliation, family, my kid, to many things.

 

I dont knwo what to do....
but what i do know is I have a few hours to figure it out and make ir or break it.
I dont care about myself I BEG THAT I DID NOT GET HIV, BUT seeing as that was the recomendation of 1 doctor I dont know what my real chances of coming out of this HIV - will be.


I love her so much that I am willing to tell her the truth about it all and take all the people in life out whn I might need them the most WHAT CAN I DO?????

 

Sent via Email July 21, 2008 from Los Angeles, USA.

 

 
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