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He removed the condom

I want to begin by saying that I have not yet been tested for HIV...not because I am afraid, but because it has only been 3 weeks since my possible exposure.

 

I am incredibly confused right now, and soo hurt. I am 23 years old, I just graduated from college last year, and decided to move to Chicago to model full time for awhile. My ex-boyfriend and I had been together since we were 16 years old, and after I left Michigan we decided to take a break for awhile and explore other options. He was the only person I had ever been intimate with (up until 3 weeks ago), and I get tested for HIV and other STD's every single year during my annual pap exam and have always been negative for everything.

 

The Story:
3 months ago, I met a guy who I became smitten with. Tall, handsome, funny, and incredibly intelligent, I saw myself with him for quite awhile. Before we became intimate, we talked about HIV/STD's, and even about past drug usage (as he admitted to trying heroine, among other drugs, in college at MSU). Anyway's, two months into our relationship, we decided to be intimate. During our second time, he took the condom off towards the end, without bothering to ask, or even tell me (his penis is very small-sadly- so, I honestly couldn't feel the difference). I believe that it was towards the end because I watched him place the condom on in the beginning, and he removed his penis from me, only once, and briefly, towards the end when we were switching around. I didn't know until the end, when he pulled out that the condom had been off for that last 45 seconds or so. Very distraught, I asked him, "What happened to the condom?" He lied and said, "oh wow, it must've broken. But don't worry, I pulled out anyways so you won't get pregnant." I have never felt soo disrespected in my entire life. I believe that he removed it deliberately, and only after prodding him for a week did he admit that he "might've known that it had broken, and should have told me." He still didn't take full responsibility, and he definately didn't apologize. That night, he assured me that he was clean, and that I was the only girl in his life. However, after he had gone to sleep, I went through his iphone and found via his text messages and emails that he was seeing about a million other women...telling them similar things that he had told me. Liar, liar, liar.

 

Absolutely traumatized at that point, I asked him if he would please get tested for HIV. All he would say is "I'm clean...you're so paranoid...you have some intrinsic issues you need to deal with...I don't understand why you won't just believe me?" He gets very mad at me everytime I bring up HIV. I have not spoken to him in about a week (after our last fight over this). He won't get tested, and I am very depressed, and more than anything feeling soo betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do with myself.

 

Additionally, this week I had a horrible outbreak of cold sores on my face...thanks to him! I know that HSV 1 is quite common, but I am still sad knowing that I got this from him. My ex and I had only been with one another our entire lives, and I venture out into the world and get HSV 1 (or 2) on my face, and possibly HIV. This is all soo sad for me right now. If I am HIV positive, I will have him prosecuted, and then I will sue him. If it isn't illegal to remove a condom without someone's knowledge and consent, it definately should be. :(

 

Sent via Email September 24, 2008 from MI, USA.

 

 
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