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Mental state

hello everyone.i saw all your stories and i put all my pieces together to tell you mine.
I'm from greece i had a good job i bought the new car that i wanted and i was very ambituous and very careful about condoms always used them. Once i started dating a 33 year old woman from the internet we went traveling around greece a couple of times with my car and the last time i was drunk and had no condoms. then she talked me into having sex without one. The next day i woke up with a terrible headache.since then i started warrying about hiv i had a few cases of flew and then after 2 months my throat closed i couldnt speak. from the first day on i was scared to death of this disease and always looked for signs. then i searched the internet for signs of the disease. after that my lipps turned white producing no saliva but not cracking and i thought i had diarroiea and weight loss. but unexpectedly enough i gained wained not loosing one!
i am sure i loss muscle but the weight wasor the same or more. many sleeping nights searching through the internet but refusing stubbornly to make a test.

 

Honestly i believe hiv is a man made virus and the whose story just doesnt add to what they say .after i met a girl a nurse that thank god i met her she probably saved my life and gave me a little bit of hope. after 4 months (about 1/2 week ago) i did the test. 4 days remaing for the result .i have gone to an aphrodisiac to examine me and he gave me a medicine for the lips. after 3 days the dryness left! diarroia left the very next day. for signs of the disease i had muscle tingling (some times to the point i couldnt stand on my feet which was attributed to fear clearly) only 1 night sweat sweating reduce of feet/hand muscle.

 

This 2 weeks are an endurable torment for me since i cant wait for the result but in the mean time i am afraid to get it in my hands.in this time i have developed a gum disease restarted smoking 2 packs a day and my bones are cracking all the time they make noises. countless sleepless nights and my stress is sky high. went to the dentist he said this is not the hiv gum disease he said and my gums are natural. aphrodisiac examined me and he didnt find some side effects hiv+ people do have.

 

I pray to god the results will be fine to be able to sleep again and to come to my previous mental state. now im a state of constant alert, fear , insecurity and depenting on cigaretes. positive the results i will start immediately swimming again and healthy diet.

 

With my extensive letter i would say to everyone that has great fears of this mysterious unexplained and misleading illness (do not doubt for a second that pharmaceutical companies are shitty happy about this disease and they want let it pass for a great deal of time they make shit loads of money just look at their gains in the stockmarket!)until all of us hiv +
- stop believing whatever they say and demand logical answers and drugs.and the biggest lesson that i learned is : enjoy life however time you have left , stop browsing the internet for symptoms! (seriously) they are confusing and it just adds up to your paranoia. and the biggest leasson of all.
our body is a wonderful piece of art that have been developed for thousands of years .if you believe that you can beat the disease i seriously believe you will. believe in god ,budha allah whatever they do good to you.


ps looking forward for my results... i hope that a second chance will be given to me to resume my life.... i pray.

 

Sent via Email March 27, 2008 from Greece.

 

 
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