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I just wish

I moved to Nigeria 5 years ago, and i had few relations without any protection.
3 years ago I got pregnant and I wanted to have HIV test before thinking of keeping the baby and the worst news came out , I was positive ...

Of course i didnt think twice about keeping the baby (which i regret every single day)
i cried for 3 complete days .. i couldnt work, couldnt think , couldnt eat, then the doctor said it wasn;t as bad as i was thinking and i should go for more tests to know my CD4 and other stuff.

Ive been on drugs since then and i've lost almost 15 kilos since ..
i;ve not told my parents yet and im not intending of telling them, I'm so scared of their reaction.

When i went back to my country i met a very good doctor who changed my drugs.
now i dont have the courage to go back to my country and live there coz i cant live where people will keep on rejecting me so im kind of stuck in Nigeria forever.

i got a very good job offer in another country but when i heard HIV + people can;t work there, so i continued my job here since they r not interested to know abt my status
i dont even have the courage to start a new relationship coz i was rejected twice after i told them abt my status.

i just wish i can go few years back and play it safe this time coz my life is ruined, i dont think of having children coz nobody will agree to be part of this disease, i dont think of getting married coz noone wants to risk his life , i dont think of having a life,, I'm just living my life day by day and waiting for a solution to this disease.


Sent via Email July 5, 2009 from Nigeria.


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