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I thought l was positive

Hello all,

Just wanted to post this and say i have thought i was hiv positive for over a year, my boyfriend had used drugs, snorted cocain and i was sure he had cheeted with a number of people. He was continually asking me to get tested and then i found paperwork from the hospital that stated a charge for test results. For  a year i put it in the back of my mind, until after 4 years of being together we split up.

The though of having hiv just amnifested into taking over my life, i have three girls and all i could thnik of was how selfish i had been and i had ignored all the signs. I didnt eat and didnt sleep. My world was over, then i began to read online it was an obsession i knew what drugs i needed and i decided i could make it through, at least for the children.

I was still letting my ex bully me and be mentally abusive as i was so scared if i had hiv he would tell the girls or create problems, it was like a hold he had over me, if he had i and i did we would be bound together in a sick way for life.

I finally got the courage to get a test, if i hadnt i would have died from the stress, it was a bitter sweet day, i forced the nurse to give me a rapid test as she wanted to do the send off one as funding for the rapid test had been cut, i was like a nutter in the ofice, i was crying and crying, we did the test and it was negativr, i go back in 6 months for a follow up.

The best thing to do is get the courage to take the test, its the worst time of your life i know it, especially being a single mom and having no one to look after the kids other than myself.



Sent via Email July 2, 2008 from Marylands, USA.


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