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Impact upon my life

 

HIV has had a tremendous impact upon my life. I am a 29 year old male who thinks about the disease almost every day. Maybe the greatest attachment I had with the disease was in the fall of 2007. At the time, I was about to be a senior in College at an historically black college in Baltimore. It was the last year, so all seniors were excited about finishing college. Exactly a week before the semester started, I went to a strip bar to curb my anxiety. Thereupon, I met a beautiful African American lady. She was SEXY. I wasted no time in asking her to come over to my place. She, inturn, quickly accepted my offer and we were homeward bound.

Although, I only wanted oral sex, she enticed me to go all the way. I just could not resist. After a lengthy erotic evening, we called it quits. But upon examining the condom, I realized that it was torn. I immediately had a panic attack. I could not sleep or eat. Here classes were commencing in a few days, and I was caught up with worrying about HIV instead of trying to graduate. I wanted to turn back time to avoid my encounter with her, but to no avail. I thought it was a dream, but closing my eyes could not keep this nightmare away. It was real.

A few weeks later, some health officials came on campus to do free rapid hiv testing. I quickly got tested. The testing agent who dealt with me seemed somewhat depressed as he looked at the test results. He said that he needed help to deduce the results. He left the room to seek assistance. For me, my life was over. The night I met this lady seemed to mark the end of my existence. Senior thesis, dissertations and whatever meant nothing to me at the moment. He returned with an health aid who told me that I tested negative for now, but I should have my blood drawn so that the results could be confirmed. I did so without hesistation and my results were due in the next two weeks.

Those two weeks were the worst in my life. I planned several ways to kill myself if the result was positive. I wanted to devise the least painful ways of eradicating my existence. My grades fell miserably as I missed classes and was unable to study. I called for the results, but was asked to come in the clinic. I cycled through the busy streets of Baltimore, Maryland at break neck speed. Stop signs did not deter my progress as I went for my results. If I were to be knocked down then I would not have to deal with the bad news.

The testing agent opened the letter and when I saw a smile on his face, I deduced that there was a glimour of hope for me. My result was negative. I was elated. But my joy was short lived as I did not believe the results. I felt that I was still infected. I became an HIV fanatic. I got tested at least 50 times at various HIV clinics throughout Baltimore for the next year and a half, just to enusre that my results were indeed negative. They all were negative.

 

Thanks to God, I have graduated from College with top honors and have returned to my island home in the Caribbean, but this Baltimore experience will remain with me for as long as I live. I learnt that a night of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of pain. Think before you take the plunge.

 

Sent via Email September 15, 2009 from St. Lucia.

 

 
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