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Preparing myself

I am a 20 year old male from Baltimore. I had my first sexual encounter when I was 16 years old which was WITH A CONDOM. It didnt break or anything and I had no sores or anything near my genitals I didnt even ejaculate but I was scared from that day on that I had HIV because the girl was really loose.


6 months later I got a real bad flu with deep dry cough,bad fever,headache and body pains and no one else around me was sick and it was summer. I ignored it for two years, now I have bone and joint pains swollen armpit lymph node a purplish patch behind my hand and my girlfriend which i had unprotected sex with a month ago has a fever,joint pain,nausea,swollen armpit lymph node and a stomache ache. She has sickle cell but I am scared I infected her.


I took an hiv test last week and am waiting on the results. I am petrified and ashamed for possibly passing it on to someone i deeply love that didnt deserve this. I'm preparing myself for the worst by looking at treatmentand life expectancy what ive found out about highly effective treatment has given me hope that even with the virus i can live a normal life.


I am looking to my lord and savior jesus christ for faith and hope and pray that I do not have this awful illness. It feels really unfair that i used a condom and im still in this position but all i can do now is pray.good luck to everyone else.


Sent via Email August 14, 2009 from USA.


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